Day 29 Receiving Life in Order

This thread began on February 7th

Today I plan on getting up and bringing my house back to order. But my mind is full of dreams and at the same time swimming in self doubt. Can I do anything that will actually succeed? What if I start and don’t finish what does that make me? How do I even begin? You know if you want to do anything in this culture you must first conquer formaphobia.

Then you have to wonder what “success” really is. I want to make a BIG impact but I hear that passage rumbling around in my head “For who has despised the day of small things?” (Zachariah 4:10a) But God… we have a small amount of resources, especially in the “order” department. I want to step “out there” but today I feel so inadequate and scared. I must be tired today eh?

In Matthew 9:35 and 36 it says, “Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd.” (oh and people seem more weary and scattered now than ever before certainly ever in my life time) Jesus says in conclusion that the harvest is great but the workers are few therefore, pray… He doesn’t say go out there are fix it. It says pray, pray to the LORD of the harvest to send workers. Ok God, I’m praying. I’m praying for vision that comes with well marked steps, step one, step two, step three… (listening) hmmm the sense I have is that is what our meetings are for. That He is giving me step one, step two, step three, what I have been given to do like today… (mostly rest from the hugely busy weekend) doesn’t seem very productive) (listening) the only sense I have is of God having a smirk on His face… Like He knows something I don’t know. *smile*

Yesterday’s report

1) (business meeting with God) Yesterday was another very busy day I lost my fragile order in the business.

2) (blog) I did eek out a blog

3) (Act of Random Kindness) can sending a txt which said to someone I feel their violation count? (wrong question I know Grrr!)

4) (Clean something) I did some dishes but my house is a pile

5) (Order something) ?

6) (Book) Well I did blog and someone from Singapore viewed my page w00t!

7) (Family) lots of family time

8) (Me) family time was good for me

9) (Ministry) ?

10) (rest) Not nearly enough yesterday…

Day 27/28 Receiving Life in order

This thread begins on February 7th

Yesterday started @ 7 am and went pretty much non-stop until 10. We (meaning Follow the Ball Ministries www.followtheball.org) did a “Bride” seminar yesterday. I love it when a seminar is sponsored by a church or organization because they do all the work. We just show up :). That was the case this weekend. We printed handouts put together power-points and we were set. w00t!

This particular church was a picture of order like I have seldom seen before. It’s not that they pulled together a beautiful backdrop for a women’s day (though everything was both beautiful and full of meaning). It’s that they all work together, honoring each other’s gifts with such grace and kindness. They love each other and it shows. This is no “perfect” church. I have seen them walk through tough conflict but somehow grace still reigns supreme.

Since the seminar was speaking on the Bride of Christ it was particularly awesome to see His bride adorned so well yesterday with compassion, gentleness, kindness, humility and patience. Each person was given honor and the trust to run with their own gifts and talents. It was a joy to watch. Not one person, no matter how different, was treated with contempt. I was very blessed just to be a part.

Yesterday’s report:

1) (business meeting with God) I didn’t have a formal “business meeting” but it was a day full of God just the same.

2) (blog) I tried to blog last night but everything fame out cunny :/ so I decided it was time to go to bed lol!

3) (Act of Random Kindness) I have been looking more and more at God’s opportunities for kindness. What I am really asking is for God to open my eyes… But in the mean time. I am seeing myself have opportunities for simple things, engaging people I might not have noticed before.

4) (Clean something) My house is a wreck! It was either get all the pieces done or wash the dishes. I washed a few yesterday but not all. I wonder how people do both :/

5) (Order something) I ordered power points and handouts. It was a struggle but it got done.

6) (Book) hard to explain but I did make some progress yesterday

7) (Family) yup

8) (Me) Well, sometimes I am blessed just to move in what God has called me to do. Yesterday it was all about getting a message out there that is very important to me.

9) (Ministry) I’m not sure you can separate “ministry” and “me time” sometimes. I believe that when we are moving in harmony with our gift and call that people (including ourselves) are brought into the presence of God. That can be moving in our motherhood or administrative skills or sometimes doing very simple things that are inspired by the LORD. Perhaps “doing” ministry is a twisted concept… we are created and gifted to “be” mothers, or singers, empathetic or administrative. All are gifts, all, when directed by God’s calling mapquest us to Him.

10) (rest) That is my hope for today :)

Day 26 Receiving life in order

This thread started on February 7^th and was revamped on Day 22

I have a friend staying with me this week. That is wonderful. I love her sweet spirit and passion for God, but it is showing me that I have no idea how to function in the midst of having a change in the routine. So God, I get that you want me to listen to you and get my instructions for the day there. But I got a list yesterday and was too distracted to even read it! What about that? (listening) Hmmm, I am reminded of a part in the story “Hinds Feet on High Places” where Much-Afraid (the main character) was told to be ready to follow the Chief Shepherd as soon as He gave the whistle. When He whistled she was surrounded by her Fearing family and was too intimidated to flee. Am I intimidated? Not by my friend I don’t think. (Listening) Hmmm, I think maintaining order feels like it might make people feel like kooties (like they are in the way). Hmmm where does that come from God? (listening) Hmmm, I certainly felt in the way in relation to cleaning growing up. I felt like I was “the maker of messes”. That sense of being in the way hurts deep in there. God what about that? (listening) Hmmm I was often given the task of bringing things to order but always by myself. I was never helped to bring order. It feels like God isn’t just giving me a list of things to do but a list of things meant to do together. That feels pretty awesome! Geeze God, do you get frustrated with me when I take so long to get it??? (listening) funny, the sense I have is that He made me… and I’m not malfunctioning *smile*

Yesterday’s report I can’t seem to focus on this part today. I am still in listening mode and I think I am going to stay there for a while.

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 25 Receiving life in order (the chaos of busyness)

This thread began on February 7^th

It was a long day yesterday and my brain is mush this morning. I did start the day by cleaning and ordering my house before I spent the afternoon driving across the state and back. It was nice to come home to an ordered house. That is pretty amazing to me cause I didn’t really MAKE myself tidy up. It was on my list from the LORD that morning. I accomplished most of what was on the list in record time. Hmmm, I will have to ponder on that more. Like God gives power to do what He calls you to do and nothing more. The rest you have to do in your own power which is exhausting ugh!

Today I have wasted a lot of time mindlessly because I haven’t had the energy to focus. Hmmm God what is that all about? (listening but not hearing much) I wonder why it is so hard to hear God’s nudges when your mind is mush. It feels like that is the time when you need to hear Him the most. (listening) The sense I have is just simply rest. You know the passage that says, “be still and know that I am God”? I wonder if it takes rest to hear God? That would make sense. That would put another twist on the idea; that our world full of busy schedules is what keeps us from hearing direction from God. I will have to consider that more when I am less foggy.

I know for me, being busy adds to my inability to think in a line. I get flustered and accomplish less. Pretty soon I am starting a lot of things and finishing none of them. That spirals into a sea of chaos. Perhaps there is way more to that passage, “be still and know that I am God.” Be still and find order. I would think it was the other way around, rush around and make order so that you can be still? God’s ways always seem opposite to what is logical don’t they?

Yesterdays report:

1) (business meeting with God) it was good

2) (blog) I was trying to explain to a friend yesterday what the two things God is asking me to actually initiate are… business meetings and blogging. We decided blogging is documenting the minutes of the meetings *smile*

3) (Act of Random Kindness) I can’t remember

4) (Clean something) my house is pretty darn tidy (for me)

5) (Order something) I even got some bills done yuck!

6) (Book) well, I noticed yesterday someone from Malaysia checked out my blog

7) (Family) Skype is cool

8) (Me) hmmm I know God wants me to understand where I fit in to this picture better than I do but I am not there yet

9) (Ministry) yup

10) (rest) I think I must have missed the memo on this one lol!

Day 24 Receiving Life brought to order

This thread begins on February 7th and is re-routed on day 22

My brain is full today and scattered. Some days it feels like I can’t even draw a straight line much less think in one. I feel kind of “out there.” I have lots to do the rest of this week. If I could focus it won’t be too much, just a lot. But if I can’t focus I will crash and burn by the end of the week. God help me!

So how do I “receive life brought to order”? What does that look like? (listening) All I hear is that I only have two things that are mine to “do”, my business meeting with God and blogging. In my business meeting we often make a list of what to do that day. That is very important for me especially on fuzzy days like today. It’s again not a law thing, it’s more like me staring through a thick haze and God saying, “Now put your foot in the other shoe” *smile* (I can see a picture of me trying to get shoes on my kids as they are spacing out and unresponsive) I don’t have to think up what I am supposed to do today. It’s all written down. The thing is I only have two hours this morning to accomplish most of it. The rest of the day is full.

Yesterday, (I’m still a little confused as to how to look at these things. I am still listening and pondering)

1) (business meeting with God) It was pretty awesome

2) (blog) I wrote a book sorry

3) (Act of Random Kindness) Well interesting, I had opportunity to get a friend out of the house… I wouldn’t “count” it because it was more a blessing to me than to anyone, but without my wheels it wouldn’t have happened. I am still pondering the idea of receiving opportunity…

4) (Clean something) Hmmm

5) (Order something) Hmmm

6) (Book)

7) (Family) I had good time with family

8) (Me) It was a good day for taking it slow.

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest) I took the whole morning to sit and ponder and write. I had the whole house to myself and I took advantage of it. :)

Day 23 Receiving Life brought to order: (accommodating vrs “seeing”)

This thread starts on February 7th and was revamped on day 22

I am still pondering my conversation with God yesterday and realizing that I am starting over today. I feel lost in how to begin. I am thinking that my business meetings with God need to include more listening and less of my own input. Not that my own input is bad. I’ve just been missing the point (a habit of mine lol!). I see myself like that elephant on Sesame Street who asks for directions. He asks a man who starts out by saying, “Well you go down this street” and the elephant interrupts and says, “Go! Ok” and races off only to return to say, “Uh, go where?” and the man starts again, “Well, as I was trying to say, you go down this street past the white house and turn left” and away the elephant goes again only to return with the need for more information. Patience is a hard earned virtue :)

On a different topic, I have been thinking about chronic illness and handicaps. They feel similar, in some ways, because they are there 24/7. There isn’t a quick fix and sympathy implies that you are broken instead of built this way (or maybe we just “are” this way now?). I don’t mean handicapped as if there is a disadvantage here. I may not have the energy or ability to do what someone else can, but how important is that? I’m not sure which are the “disadvantaged” really.

Perhaps MCS slows me down in ways that make the important things in my life the priority. Who knows? It’s just not a place of focus for me. What do you say to someone who has no legs, “Oh, I’m sorry you are not like me? I’m sorry you can’t run like I can?” That is no help or encouragement. Maybe being like you isn’t better! It’s not that I don’t believe in God’s healing, it’s that I don’t really care if He heals me or not. It’s His choice. It’s in His hands and in the mean time my purpose, and life in Him includes this handicap. I’m thinking of 2 Corinthians 12:7 where Paul says, “in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh” (underline mine) I find it amazing that though Paul asks for God to remove his thorn (to which God answers by saying, “My power is perfected in weakness”) Paul calls it a gift. I believe it was a gift… a gift just like speaking in tongues or discernment. It kept Paul from being conceited, which is, thinking to highly of himself. It kept him from having contempt for others. It gave him the gift of understanding.

Having struggles gives me eyes to see others in a similar boat. I was thinking about what helps and what is embarrassing and hurtful. For me, it is the difference between “seeing” and accommodating. We do a lot of accommodating in this country. There is a law in place that accommodates for people in all kinds of circumstances, like people with handicaps, people who smoke, have children, are of different nationalities, are low income, shut-in, or abused the list goes on and on.

Most public buildings make accommodation for the disabled, which means they are wheelchair accessible. It’s hard to explain how helpful that is, but there is still something missing in the equation--true understanding. I am not sure how to explain the difference but I can sure tell the difference in my own life. For instance, I can immediately tell when my husband is accommodating me vrs understanding me. One makes me feel shamed and put down. I’m not even sure I can explain why, but the other makes me feel honored, heard and seen.

I remember once being in a rustic campground right along the river. Rustic, river camping means: the privys are up on a mound many feet above water level (for obvious reasons). These particular privys were steeply mounded with knurly paths leading up to heavy bear proof doors. But, looking up from the road you could clearly see the handicap accessible sign on the door post. Yup, these bathrooms accommodated for people with handicaps but who ever built those privys didn’t “see” the handicapped with eyes of understanding. How would they have been built differently if those that build them spent several months in a wheel chair?

Understanding takes investment but that investment opens the door to real kindness.

I’m going to skip this report today just because I’m still seeking God on how to understand them from God’s perspective. (still listening)

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 22 Bringing life to order

This thread begins on February 7th

It has been frustrating. For the last two days I have worked to get my blog post up but internet connection has been a challenge. So I am posting both yesterday and today’s blogs at once.

I was flying back home today, which gave me plenty of time for a business meeting with God. We talked facts and figures of how to pull the finances of my life together. And I asked about the point of this exercise. I have been at it for 22 days and I still have not completed all 10 things in one day. It feels impossible! Grrrr! It makes me feel like a failure, like I can’t even pull together 10 things. So God, what about that? (listening) Hmmm the sense that I have is that He agrees that 10 things is too big of a task for me…

Well if that is true then why did I start this in the first place? (listening) hmmm, the sense I have is that it’s been about exposure. Well I have definitely had some heart issues exposed! I have had a lot of legalistic thinking exposed. I still keep trying to figure out what I can do that will be “good enough” to count. Did I do enough to mark it down that I ordered something or cleaned something?

Hmmm but I think He is touching on more than I am seeing. He is reminding me that I was asked to change seats again as I flew home today. Ok, so giving up your seat once that could be random but twice in a row, that could be inspired :) What an interesting thought. God did you set me up to do something kind? Like I don’t always have to be vigilant about being kind I could ask you to set things up for me? (listening) I sense a smirk like, “Hey look! I think she’s getting it” =D Wow, then I could “count” a lot more of the things I do? (oh good grief!). I was asked by a couple who were trying to sit together if I would be willing to change my seat. Shoot, who wouldn’t? How can that be anything that counts for anything? (I have it real bad eh God?) hmmm the sense I have is that I need help.

Ok so what if I am looking at this completely wrong? Am I trying on my own power to DO this list? Is it more about receiving direction than it is about the doing? But I do need to battle this disorder what about that? (listening) Hmmm, the picture I have is of battles being planned and directed by generals. They are not random fits of fighting. They are statically planned and executed. So how does that work?

Oh God, I don’t know what that means. Am I muscling through this list as if it is my power that will accomplish them? Is there a way to attack this list any other way? (listening) Hmmm, the sense I have is that He told me to “do the list”, not to “plan the list.” Ok, so how do I do that? (listening) The sense I have is more like receiving than making it happen. Like being asked to give up my seat. I did nothing to PLAN an act of random kindness. All I had to do was do it. Hmmm, so God, I’m not sure how to do this. It feels like stepping outside of my skin. But I am willing to try.

(listening) The sense I have is that we are going to step back from 10 things and do some things on the list every day (I’ve only been able to do some things anyway!). Those things will be of God’s choosing not mine. Not like a law but as an opportunity to live with purpose. Move as He moves. The only two things He wants me to do consistently is our business meetings, and writing in this blog. Ok, I can do that. Oops, Hmmm Ok God, you have my permission to do that in me :)

Report:

1) (business meeting with God) yup

2) (blog) yup

3) (Act of Random Kindness) I had another thing happen to me today. I was waiting until the last minute to load on my plane. Sitting across from me was a man who was sleeping soundly. His boarding pass was face up beside him. I quietly peeked to see if he was supposed to board on my flight which he was. After the last of the passengers were loaded I woke him up and told him the plane was loaded. He was VERY grateful.

4) (Clean something) I came home to a clean house

5) (Order something) I got sales taxes filed today… they were due today and God reminded me of it in the nick of time.

6) (Book) wow, perhaps I am looking at everything wrong. Is blogging a part of reaching my audience?

7) (Family) I was met at the airport. It was a good excuse to share dinner together.

8) (Me) I am beginning to wonder if time with God is me time… duh!

9) (Ministry) Hmmm and maybe kindness is ministry?

10) (rest) And even if order is restful? I think I have been looking at this list all wrong! Perhaps He has been doing more with this exercise than I have been thinking and perhaps I have been doing less. I am amazed.