God's provision

I'm thinking of Jesus as He prayed "Give us each day our daily bread Luke 11:3"... Funny, I am hoping for at least a weeks worth of bread not a days worth.  As I age, it feels much more uncomfortable to be living day to day instead of having a nest egg or retirement fund of some kind.  We are way better off than most people in the world.  We have way more than today's bread in the cupboard.  Shoot, we have a cupboard to put food in for heaven's sake!

So what comes first, our provision from the LORD or our trust for that provision? There are lots of passages in scripture where God explains His actions as being motivated by the trust that was put in Him. Like 1 Chronicles 5:20 " He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him." So what can we trust Him to do?  I don't believe that God is the candy man...He is not there to feed our selfish ends. I believe there is an intimacy inferred in this passage... I'm thinking the trust these people had was not the kind of trust you give a bridge that you drive over but more the kind a child gives when He reaches his arms out to be carried across the street.  One trust is relational and deep, the other is a form of using.

A child's trust in their daily bread has nothing to do with the next day.  They only receive what is on the table today. I've never heard my children ask me what tomorrow's dinner will be.  They only ask, "what's for dinner?" They fully trust dinner will be there when it's dinner time.

God, Help me find that kind of trust today.

Remember

I know it is important to remember things.  You have to be able to find your way home, what your name is, what your allergic to.  But beyond that why do we have a memory?  What is it for?  I think memorials are important to God.  When the Hebrew people crossed the Jordan River into their promised land.  God instructed them to take 12 stones from the river as they were crossing it and make an alter by the banks of the river as a memorial (Joshua 4:7).  He wanted them to remember what happened there.  He wanted them to teach their children. He wanted them to remember who He was and what He did for them. When Jesus took the cup at His last passover feast he said, "Do this, in rememberance of me" (Luke 22:19).  And so we do... or do we?

I have a box full of sweet things that remind me of my children.  Pretty little dresses and shoes.  Blankets that their grandmother made and priceless handmade trinkets, little expressions of their admiration and love. As they start to have children of their own I have started to give up at least the clothes and the blankets.  They are of no use in a box! But many of the things that meant so much to me as I packed them away, here a pair of overalls, there a pretty dress that looked so precious on but all too soon was grown out of.  I realize that those little people grew and became something you can't really encase in a dress or blanket.  These things mark a time in history but they tell nothing of the people they once clothed.

Raising children was so much fun! I loved watching as they developed their own personalities and sense of humors.  They are sweet individuals with great hearts and amazing minds.  The things I really want to remember you can't capture with a picture or a hand print or a dress. You had to live with them day in and day out to really get the whole picture of who they are...and even then there is more every day to discover! They are way more than anything I could put in a box to remember them by. And now these trinkets seem empty in comparison.

I'm thinking the same goes with God and Jesus.  I'm thinking that God wasn't really into a pile of rocks.  I don't think He wanted us to spend our days staring at them.  I think they are to remind us of Him... really Him.  Not that He did something as much as why He did something. The Hebrew people spend years, day in and day out with God as their guide and their provider.  What exactly are they meant to remember? I'm thinking that Jesus meant more when He said, "Do this in remembrance of me" than that we should eat what He ate that day...Jesus too spent years with His disciples, day in and day out, teaching and modeling a nature that they took years and then some to comprehend. He wants us to know Him... to get to know Him... to really know Him.  To remember who He is, that He will return... and why.  

Sometimes it good simply to remember.

More on Chaos

It's been a while since I have posted anything.  It has been a year like no other for me.  It is still my continuing battle to fight chaos but it feels like chaos is a huge adversary.  We started about a year ago to pack up our big house.  Our plan is to fix it up and sell it so that we could cut our expenses and thus our financial chaos.  It seemed like a simple goal.  But it has taken us a year and we are still working at it.  Oh well, one day at a time. 

We are recovering empty nesters.  I am not sure God ever intended us to be in this faze in life but here we are and I'm not sure what to do with myself.  I had been a homeschool mom for almost thirty years.  That's a long and wonderful time but perhaps it feels more quiet on account of the fact that my kids were always here before.. It's been over a year since my last one got married.  Now they all have babies of their own (one on the way!).  Grand babies are awesome but I don't like the part where you give them back.  I know most people do.. but I LOVE kids.  I love my kids. I love their kids... That's part of why we are working so hard to conquer the chaos.

Through all the years we raised our kids.  One thing always followed another and chaos was brushed aside as something we would address... someday.  There wasn't time for that.  I didn't have energy to face it... I was too busy.  Now that I have time I realize that it's time to face it.  I look at friends that I have that are older than me... they are too old and too tired to face the chaos.  Their kids know that they are going to be left to deal with it when my friends die.  I don't want to do that to my kids.  I want to deal with it now, while I can.  I want to trim down before it is really too much for me.  I want to gift my children with order.  Think I can?  One thing's for sure... I have the time to try.

The house is on the market, I pray for God's timing for a sale.  I have to keep remembering the value of timing.  It feels like I can just taste the day when I don't have to figure out how to make that house payment.  But I live in the north.  It is freaking cold outside right now.  I remember the first time I heard a radio announcer say it was going to warm up to freezing.  I thought it was a funny concept but if it warmed up to freezing today it would be almost forty degrees warmer than it is right now.  Brrrr! I am grateful that we didn't sell our house last month or we would be facing trying to move stuff in this weather.  God's timing is always the best! 

In the mean time, it is a good time to sit down, have a cup of tea, ponder and write, don't you think?

The LIfe Model

I'm reading a book called, "The Essentials of Christian Living from The Life Model: Living from the heart Jesus Gave you." It's written by a whole list of people who are connected to a Ministry called, "Shepherd's House." I'm not sure I can yet explain much about the book, but one sentence caught my eye, " And while you are on that pathway (the pathway to maturity), try to avoid isolation.  You cannot overcome life's obstacles alone.  As your maturity progresses, you will be able to help others discover how to live from their hearts, too.  That is a fulfilling experience.  You can be incredibly proud of those you have helped in making progress with maturity, and that will give you increased confidence that your own journey is on its proper course.  You will find that others are growing as your are growing." (italics mine)

Sometimes life can be isolating.  I have health issues. I am reactive to perfume, cleaning products, paint, and traffic. I have bounced from one state to another for the last three years. My children are grown and gone (it's funny how much my children have defined who I connected with) Isolation is almost a given for me. How do you remain connected in the midst of such circumstances?  As I ponder that my mind wanders to others more isolated than I am. (oops -- had to stop here and call my 85 year old friend and see if she is feeling isolated today) Sometimes isolation is not a choice.  It is the season that you are in.  But on the flip side I believe it is also some kind of silent enemy that needs to be fought and conquered. Sometimes we need to fight against our isolation, sometimes we need to fight against the isolation of others.

I'm thinking that isolation is a sign of the times too.  In all my recent travels I have noticed that people now spend much more time on their ipods, computers and tablets and much less time talking to the guy sitting next to them.  It's awkward to strike up a conversation with a stranger and much easier to simply tune them out. 

Isolation doesn't always mean you are alone.  You can be in a crowd and be just as isolated.  The trick is to engage, to be relational, to make significant moments out of every moment. 

Lost

Matthew 24:21-25 "For then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be. And unless those days were shortened, no flesh would be saved; but for the elect’s sake those days will be shortened. "Then if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Christ!’ or ‘There!’ do not believe it. For false christs and false prophets will rise and show great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you beforehand."

How do we lose ourselves?  I am wondering, if we have a personal relationship with Jesus, how could we be deceived?  Ah, but then it says, "If possible"  Yeah, but it does say, "Unless the days were shortened, no flesh would be saved." hmmm.  Does that mean that we would all kill ourselves or be killed?  Or does that mean that we would all walk away from God? Which is more frightening?

I heard many explanations about this passage, "It's happening now", "It happened during Roman rule", "It was just a metaphor", "It is something that is in the future yet".  Ok, I'll buy that, perhaps all these explanations have truth in them.  The thing is, it lets me know that I can get lost.  I can be deceived. I'm not talking about salvation here. That's a discussion for another day.  I want to talk about the level of pain that would set us up to grasp for an unfamiliar christ.  Jesus says, "and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. Yet they will by no means follow a stranger, but will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” John 10:3b-5.  What would it take for a sheep to follow a stranger?  

I'm thinking of a chicken I had once (ok, so you relate to sheep, I relate to chickens!) I bought this chicken at a wild game bird swap meet.  She cost me a quarter because her owners just wanted to get rid of her.  I'm quite sure she was too tough to eat.  She was a free range chicken that had had too much freedom.  I could not tame her.  She hid her eggs all over the yard. grabbed a bite of scratch when I wasn't in range and she never darkened the door of the coop where all my other chickens took refuge at night.  She slept alone in a tree outside.  So imagine my surprise when she came up to us one winter. There was snow on the ground.  She was hungry, sick, her leg withered and curled up underneath her. My husband, being a man of mercy scooped her up (something she allowed without any hint of a fight) and nursed her back to health. Within a few weeks she the same wild hen as before. In her desperation, she was willing to trust.  The question is, would she have trusted anyone at that point? 

More and more I believe that though the Bible is clear, it isn't intuitive to us.  In Christ the last shall be first, it is the weak that are strong, the blind that can see, the lesser that is the greater.  Everything is the opposite of what we think it. what is natural in this world. We keep looking for signs of great suffering as if it is physical suffering that is the hardest to survive.  I'm not convinced.  What about other forms of suffering?  I believe suffering can drive us to follow a different shepherd... or perhaps simply shy away from the shepherd that we have.

But tell me, what is suffering?  Is it limited to our flesh (hunger, physical pain, or thirst?)  I'm thinking of Job 19:2 where he says to his friends, "“How long will you torment my soul, And break me in pieces with words?" Job was a man who had everything, money, a great family, prestige.  He wasn't tormented with hunger or whips.  He was tormented with accusations, false prophesy and emotional cruelty.  Is the wealthy man's form of suffering less horrible?

I have been tormented with words before.  I can relate to Job's description of being broken into pieces with words.  Perhaps I still feel broken.  I know that today, I feel lost almost like the shepherd's voice is too far away to distinguish? I think there is a place in all suffering where we give up, quit fighting, settle and learn to believe, "this is my new normal" Perhaps, "this is all I've ever known" or "This is what I deserve" Perhaps we just kind of wander off...  perhaps the pain shuts up our ears so that we do not hear the call of our shepherd.  But this I know, even if I can not hear Him... he hears me.

 

Questions

I live in the north where the complaint is usually about rain.  No one waters their lawns here, there  is no need--usually.  But this year green has withered into brown and lifeless and I can't help wondering what is next.  I guess I never expected drought here where drinking water wells are dug down to only 60 feet. But it is a huge reminder how little (if anything)  we actually control. On many levels, that awareness frightens me.

I spent several years in a rural ranching town where drought continued for more than seven years. I enjoyed a small community church there. On some Sundays during that time I saw big, burly ranchers openly weep as one by one they lost their herds, some lost their homes and their livelihoods with them.  We prayed, wept, and sought the LORD for relief. But relief was slow in coming.

 I'm thinking of Deuteronomy 11:13-17  "And it shall be that if you earnestly obey My commandments which I command you today, to love the Lord your God and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, then I will give you the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, your new wine, and your oil. And I will send grass in your fields for your livestock, that you may eat and be filled.“Take heed to yourselves, lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them, lest the Lord’s anger be aroused against you, and He shut up the heavens so that there be no rain, and the land yield no produce, and you perish quickly from the good land which the Lord is giving you. 


And Isaiah 42:24 "Who gave Jacob for plunder, and Israel to the robbers? Was it not the Lord,
He against whom we have sinned? For they would not walk in His ways, Nor were they obedient to His law."

After raising a crop of children of my own, these passages have taken on new meaning. I don't believe these are punishment passages (If you don't do what I tell you I will squash you like a bug aargh!") but rather an explanation of boundaries and consequence. What exactly happens when we serve other gods? Who pays the price? There is no other "good god" you either follow the LORD or you turn your face towards evil and evil is dark, vicious and cruel.  It creates horrible consequences!

 I told my children, "If you walk into the middle of the street without looking both ways, you could be hit by a car and killed" There was a point where I expected them to obey without my constant reminder.  I trusted them to walk down the street safely outside of my view.  If they didn't, being hit by a car was not something I did to them but something that happened in consequence.

If my child were using a toy to pound the heads of their siblings.  I would be angry in defense of the innocent and take that toy away until the heart of the child was repentant and he was safe with it around the others. Does that make me a vengeful, mean, overbearing parent or a loving one? God will protect the disadvantaged.  He will defend the fatherless and the widow.  On the flip side, not only will he allow consequence but He will not force His protection on anyone. Without crossing boundaries and being controlling, (which is not kind) He can not protect those who reject His protection. My protection for my children from being killed by a car was not to remove all the cars from the road but to teach them how to navigate a road full of cars safely.  It was then their choice to obey or not.

This year in the North, nothing has been "In it's season" There were many warm days when it should have been snowing,  Then there was frost when it should have been warm. The fruit trees lost their buds, pickers lost their summer jobs, towns lost summer season renters and the tax revenue connected to it. Was that punishment, consequence or coincidence?

In the Northern plains half of the land meant to grow wheat is left fallow every year. It is given a whole season to rest.  It's left fallow because years of research has proven that God's commandments about letting fields rest is sound land management. Our dust bowl of the 1930s was a consequence of poor land management including the lack of crop rotation.  In other words drought and disobedience are linked like streets and cars. Many of God's commandments, which used to sound like meaningless rituals now make scientific sense like the ones that command people to wash their hands before they eat.  What you do or don't ...matters!

As I write all that I then feel a little powerless, powerless because so many around me are choosing to dash out in the street and get hit. My country no longer seeks to walk humbly before the LORD. What can one person do? Does it matter really? Prophets cried in the streets, "Thus says the LORD, "Consider your ways" but few did. What was the point? The end result frightens me.  But then again there were people like Daniel, Rahab, and David. They listened to the prophets and were protected in miraculous ways because they walked in integrity in terrible times.  God help me do the same.

Chickens and God's intervention

I have too many Chickens, really I do.  But just same 5 baby chicks jumped into my car when I was at the feed store this week.  I succumbed to the cries of the fuzzy little peeps because I had four broody hens at home that just would not leave their nest (yes singular nest, four hens, one pile, one nest!).  Broody hens are hens that have stopped laying eggs (the only reason to have chickens in the city) and have started trying to hatch their eggs instead.  I have four very dedicated brooders that will sit on invisible eggs for many days even after you have taken the real eggs away from them. I have tried many times to deter them from their quest to produce baby chicks out of thin air but to no avail.

When I brought my babies home and in the dark of night replaced my invisible eggs with 5 cute little chicks one hen in particular decided that these were her chicks.  She knew all along that if she sat on her invisible eggs long enough something would come of it. And low and behold... she was right!  Hmmmm

I wonder how many times God intervenes when we are caught in a similar loop, dutifully working at a fatally flawed task doomed to futility and yet... walah! Success! We have accomplished the impossible... Chicks out of thin air!  (smile)  I think it thrills God to no end when we finally understand the source of our success.(smile)