Good finders

 For someone who struggles with a fear of rejection (which I do!).  The world has become a very scary place!  Social media seems to make it so easy to be critical.  Conformity has become a demand on both sides (that is if there are only two) and independent thinking demonized.  It is now assumed if we don't think alike, there must be some dark and sinister motive for our thinking...Where does all this ugliness come from?  And how as Christians do we navigate?

I'm thinking of the first part of 1 Corinthians 13:7.  This is how it is translated in the amplified version: "Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person" Wow! I want to experience that kind of love from my community, my church, my friends, my family!  I want people to at least try to believe the best of me.  What a gift that would be!  I don't want people to just say something nice to my face.  I want them to truly believe the best... even when I am not around.  Don't we all?

I was looking for reference to the saying "Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his moccasins"  and came across an article about Mary T Lathrap and a copy of her poem "Walk a Mile in his Moccasins" originally called "Judge Softly"  In her poem she writes:

Just walk a mile in his moccasins
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.
If just for one hour, you could find a way
To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.

I believe you’d be surprised to see
That you’ve been blind and narrow-minded, even unkind.
There are people on reservations and in the ghettos
Who have so little hope, and too much worry on their minds.

What if we were good finders instead of fault finders?  What if we offered kindness instead of condemnation.  What if we assumed that people wanted to be kind but were crushed under the weight of criticism and condemnation?  I too am guilty of assuming evil motive... It's time to repent.

Swimming in Molasses

I’m still thinking about shame, contempt and fear. These are the things that paralyze. Then I was thinking about desire and God’s gift of desire. I was thinking about a scene in the book “Hinds Feet on High Places” where Much-Afraid has agreed to go with the Chief Shepherd and He has planted the seed of love in her heart but she has to wait until He calls her. She waits and waits, with her bags all packed and ready, but time just creeps on… no call.

Then, just as she is surrounded and totally overwhelmed by her whole “Fearing Family”, right at the point where she is cowing in the corner unable to move much less answer, the Chief Shepherd calls. She is frozen. She is unable to answer. It’s a sad scene but common in my opinion.

I don’t want to be so overcome by fear that I do not listen to the call raging in my heart. Sometimes I fell trapped in my thinking. There must be a way to move forward. There must be a way to do what is screaming in my heart to do. It is not about me. It is about Him. I want to move forward but the molasses I am moving in is frustrating!

We are getting to an age where we are talking of retirement… at least we are listening to others who are thinking of retiring. I’m not sure what the point is. I can totally get retiring but there would have to be a purpose. It would be way cool to have enough money to not have to work to make it anymore but, that to me wouldn’t be retiring it would be support for missions…our mission :)

Hmmm I’m rambling. God why do I feel so trapped in molasses? (listening) Wow, there is a pretty huge sense inside of me that money is powerful. Money is oppressive to me… how can you seek God and not be constantly looking for money at the same time? There is something wrong with that! (listening) Hmmm, I’m thinking of a song I wrote for a couple who wanted to be in missions but felt trapped in their circumstance. One line says, “It feels like money has a hold but even this will turn” Oh God, make it so!

Fighting contempt with honor

Romans 14:1-4 says this, "Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." NAS

For me, this passage is about diversity and contempt. I am curious about the wording of the first verse. Now accept the one who is weak... but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. Can you accept someone for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions? That's frightening to me mostly because I have felt the hot sting of contempt. What exactly is contempt? The word carries with it not only blatant disrespect and scorn but also a more subtle flavor of that prideful looking down on the “lesser” human being. I hate contempt. It tears deeply into me when I am the victim of it but I still can’t seem to catch myself in the act often enough. Contempt is so very easy. I am well trained in it. But honor is hard, especially in response to contempt.

I wonder if power-and-control and contempt are related. If you look at contempt as “dishonoring another”, then I would say they are. I have learned the hard way that you can’t fight control with control. It becomes a power play that sinks into ugly in no time. In the same way fighting off contempt with contempt is brutal and unproductive to say the least! I have been leveled by the contempt of others. It smothers me with a deep message of unwelcome. If we all need to “belong” then contempt is a death blow.

Looking back at Romans 14, I am learning much more how we, that is how I, deflect real, vulnerable, relational encounters by passing judgment. Frankly, I am overwhelmed as I look at how I personally have used contempt to keep people from getting too close. Why? What am I afraid of? Well, contempt of course. Hmmm, fighting contempt with contempt can be so subtle!

I think contempt is at the core of labels. We label people all the time, “your mean,” “your lazy,” “your never on time”. Labels are hurtful and last much longer than the moment they are spoken or inferred. “Positive labels like, “your pretty,” “your smart,” “your fun” are just as destructive. These sound like kind affirmations but they still come from a place of contempt. When I speak this way, I am elevating myself and dishonoring another. All these thoughts are new to me. I am trying to learn to say things that keep us both on the level, “When you say that, it hurts me.” “When you are late, I feel unimportant” or “I so enjoy your playfulness! The thing is, fighting contempt with honor is risky. You have to reveal your heart in the process and the vulnerability is frightening! I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Ruth Ann Lea

(For more thoughts on this subject check this out: thinkingoutwords.blogspot.com)