getting lost while attempting to refuel... grrr!

I’m pondering ‘resting’ again today. After a week of engagements on several different levels even my bones are weary. I find myself asking the LORD what resting looks like. How can resting be such a hard concept? I wonder what God did on the day that He “rested”. I’m sure He still kept the universe running. Does that take effort? Or once He set it in motion does it just run by itself? My next question is, there was man by then, did He listen to prayers on that day? Did Adam pray? Or did he just save his questions for when God came down for His evening walk. Did God walk on the day He rested? Sometimes my mind is full of 5 year old questions. But it seems import if we are to imitate God in His resting to know what His resting was like.

So God what is resting? (listening) It feels like His answer to me today is about today only. Resting today, I’m not sure how to do that.

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\Well, it’s already evening and resting didn’t happen today. Even my business meeting was cut short. The attack on my attempt to take time to rest feels intentional on the side of the evil one. One crisis turned into another… and then there were the things I actually did plan for the day, all of which seemed important to follow through on. Hmmm I was interrupted even in the pondering or rest. I wonder if satan works so hard to destroy our rest if it has way more power than we give credit for. I will have to ponder that tomorrow.

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Learning to rest... well maybe???

I think after more than a month it is time to change the theme of my blogs… but not really. Though I really do want my eyes opened to the opportunity responding in kindness, it happens not as I try but as I hone my ears to listen.

Today I don’t have the energy to do much of anything. I drug myself through getting all the dishes done. God I don’t have any motivation this morning what about that? (listening) The sense I have is that I am tired. (duh!) Hmmm, you know, I’m not sure I “get” that God calls us to rest sometimes. I’m thinking of that story about Elijah in Kings 19 where Elijah falls asleep under a bush and an angel wakes him up to eat and drink and then he lies down to rest again. I understand that God rested on the 7^th day but I am not sure I have room in my world for rest. I read a book once called “When I relax I feel guilty” hmmm.

So God, what does rest look like? (listening) I have a clear picture that computers do are not restful. Well, that makes sense. I don’t like being sucked into the computer craze but it is harder when I am tired. I don’t know how to explain but I am seeing a cycle. I’m tired so I “veg” which often includes checking out the news or whatever on the computer. Which makes me tired…. On and on it goes. I think it’s time for an internet fast. I don’t believe I am to quite blogging or writing in general. I am suppose to write but that only requires a short connection to the internet.

Even so God that doesn’t help me know what rest would look like for me right now. (listening) Hmmm, that feels like all I am to do right now, rest from the flurry of input which adds chaos to my brain. Ok. I’ll report tomorrow what kind of an effect that has on my energy level.

There are other things on my list from God today but they are mostly send off a bill, package up some boxes for shipment, things like that.

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 34 Receiving Life in Order

My heart is still saddened as I think of the losses in Japan. I get frustrated with the sensational reporting of such a catastrophic event. Pictures of people, you know, someone’s someone, who was overcome by the mountainous waves. Many news sites adding up the numbers… like the bigger the death toll the bigger the story…. Sad.

It’s a little scary too. It’s just that there has been so many such catastrophes in the last few years. Each one has taken its toll and each one brings a measure of instability. It lets me know that we really aren’t as powerful as we think we are, And, it lets me know how desperately dependant I am on a power greater than me.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to have left my town in the morning for parts further south only to find out that there is no place to go home to that afternoon. No town, no neighbors, no home. Oh, Father, touch us all with the reality of the loss. Move us with Your compassion and bring hope and peace to the people of Japan tonight.

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 31 Receiving Life in Order

I have no real excuse for not blogging yesterday unless having a lot of confusion, horrific world events and lots of busy people in my life or… just not wanting to counts. I am physically exhausted today and maybe in shock with the rest of the world about what has happened to the people in Japan. It amazes me how something that happened way on the other side of the world can impact boats and people on our own shoreline. Perhaps it’s good sometimes to be reminded of how much we can not control. Sometimes that knowledge frightens me. Sometimes it lets me know how much I need God.

Today I am sitting in my warm house with the fire crackling while the wind blowing outside is more than chilly. I am blessed. My heart is full of prayer for those who can not say the same tonight especially those in Japan. There are certain things that we take for granted. We fully expect the sun to come up every morning and for the earth under our feet to remain so. But there is only one constant.

According to the USGS the main island of Japan moved 8 feet to the east during the March 11 earthquake. It is hard to imagine that a whole island can simply move. But it makes Revelations 6:14 seem possible “The heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.”

Day 32 Receiving Life in Order

This thread begins on February 7th

I am taking the time today to ponder and listen to God specifically about these 10 things. I have learned in the last 30 days how much I still look to my own actions for a way to find God’s acceptance. It’s not exactly that. (listening) It boils down to wanting to know what the rules are. I’m thinking of that passage in Exodus where the people say to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.” (Exodus 20:19) what a sad thought that the people were too afraid to allow God to approach them… They were willing to do what God said (at least to a point) but not to be impacted by His presence and holiness. I think of my seeking rules and I find it similar to the law. The law is a list of rules that no one is capable of fulfilling. Hmmm doesn’t that sound familiar.

(listening) Galatians 3:5 comes to mind, “So again I ask, does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard?” Wow, that smacks! It also fits what I have been thinking and learning about this list of 10 things. I have figured out that it would take a miracle to accomplish these things in a day much less every day. What that means to me is that it would take a miracle for me to be ordered in my life. That by itself saddens me. I feel shame as I recognize how scattered and out of order my life, my brain, my “stuff” are. But then it gives me hope too because the pathway to order isn’t in the doing but in the listening. That leaves the impossible to God to accomplish instead of me :).

As I look at that I am also seeing a growing opportunity for ministry and kindness and left over energy for cleaning and ordering. It is amazing that the path for miracles in my life is to “be still” That’s all these business meetings are… taking the time to be still, shut up and listen…

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 31 Receiving Life in Order

I have been thinking about a story in John. It starts in John chapter 9 and runs through chapter 10. It is about a man who was born blind whom Jesus heals and the Pharisees kick out of the synagogue in reaction. This story says so many things to me but today I was thinking especially about verse 35. If you are interested in reading the whole story, check out this link: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%209&version=NIV

This blind man was the “marginalized” of his day. He was a man who was “outside the gate” partly because he was blind and unable to work but also because people then believed the cause of his blindness was sin, either his sin or his parent’s. Until he met Jesus there was no one in his corner. I am amazed, first at the cruelty of Jesus’ disciples (talking to Jesus about this blind man right in front of him as if he didn’t even exist!) Then I’m amazed at Jesus’ defense of him and at how that defense gave this blind man the boldness to stand up to the Pharisees even to the point of being thrown out of the synagogue. (which was much worse than being asked to leave a church… but on a similar vein).

The thing that amazes me is that after this man is thrown out, Jesus seeks him out. I get the impression He deliberately goes to find him. At the same time Jesus is saying that He is the gate… that He is the one who says you are “in” or you are “out”. The blind man, though he was humiliated and ostracized by the religious leaders, was one of Jesus’ “in”.

I have always found it intriguing that Jesus didn’t often hunt people down. He never put much effort into convincing people. He just said, “follow me” and kept on walking. Those that were ready, followed Him, and those that weren’t were left to their decision. This is one of few(actually I can think of another time!) times when he turned around and went back for someone. Since I count myself among the “marginalized” that thought and this passage blesses me :)

Day 30 Receiving Life in Order

This thread begins on February 7th

Day 30 w00t! It may not seem like much to you but just to be able to do this blog for 30 days (with what, 3 days exception 10 percent error margin isn’t too shabby :) is a huge success for me. Consistency is not my forte.

So God after 30 days what’s next? Do I move on from this subject? (The sense I have is yes and no., that I have yet to understand the list of 10 things.) So God what do I do with that? Well the first two are making sense to me. Listen for direction in your day (Business meetings with God) and then blog (publish the minutes.)

Ok, but what about the others God? (listening) I get the impression from 1 John 4:7 that It is a law of physics, If you love God you will love your brother also. You can see the condition of your relationship with God by how you respond to others. It doesn’t say, “Go out there and make yourself love your brother.” It says to me, “If I apply my passions relationally towards God, an outcome of my sweet connection with God is my passion and compassion for people.”

One heart breaking consistency I hear when working with women who hurt is, their men do not love the people they love. I believe that to be a brutal expression of contempt. If I delight in you, I will delight in those that bring you delight. (the same law of physics)

Attachment is a very important part of being a human being. If I have bonded well as a child, I have rooted within me compassion, empathy, and a sense of connection to the human race. Attachment assures me that I am human, and assures me I am meant to exist. My attachments, that is the people that I deeply trust and care for, are part of what makes me human. Take those attachments away from me (or never offer me secure, trustworthy attachments in the first place) and I start to lose my sense of “being.” Have contempt for my attachments and you chip away at something foundational that God built into me as a human being. We are intended to be relational. Attachment is what draws us into community.

I’m not describing codependency here. Codependency is actually driven by insecure attachment, not by secure ones. For instance, if a child has a secure attachment to his mother, he is more likely to leave his mama’s side and explore his surroundings, but if a child is insecurely attached to his mother, he will cling feverishly to her and not letting her out of his sight.

Going back to the passage in 1 John, I believe for all of us who were insecurely attached or not attached at all, this promise is our salvation, our way back to our humanness and God’s original intent. When God builds into us a trust and delight in Him, it will build into us an attachment to the human race. It’s a law of physics. If we delight in Him we will delight in who He delights in.

Wow, talk about a rabbit trail! Anyway, my picture is, the ten things are a law of physics as well. If I start my day getting my instructions from Jesus, The rest of my day will be filled with acts of kindness, motivation to clean and order and even the desire to bring order, I will see the importance of getting the message of my book to the people who need to read it. Meaning I will see value in what God gave me to write and it’s purpose. And, I will take opportunity to rest and restore.

Wait! I think I get it! It is really not a list of things to accomplish it’s a list of things that WILL be accomplished if I am living out of a place of connection with, and attachment to Him. Wow, that finally makes sense! It’s not looking at what I have done like “why didn’t you get that whole list done?” It’s looking at symptoms to help reveal what is brewing underneath. Not for shame but for guidance… If I do not love my brother… not an act that you can manufacture but a fondness that comes from really experiencing and knowing God’s fondness for him, I am not enjoying God’s company and fellowship. It’s a law of physics. You can’t fix it by trying to love your brother. I can’t fix what’s broke in me by doing this list either, I can only fix it by spending time with the one who can.

pondering these with new eyes :)

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)