Monday, October 24, 2011


The thing about chaos is you can't really fix it.  It is a consequence of sin.  Sometimes it is the consequence of your sin but sometimes it is your consequence of someone else's sin.  We live in a fallen world.  When you sin, you sin on someone else.  When you sin, you bring chaos into the life of another. 

I was talking to a friend yesterday.  He talked about Genesis 1:2 ("The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.") from the perspective of chaos.  The earth was without form... not yet ordered... chaotic.  But the Spirit hovered over that chaos. 

I don't know about you but that gives me hope.  During my bout with brain trauma, I had a CT scan.  In it you can visually see that my right brain is significantly larger than my left.  That explained a lot to me at the time.  Order is so hard for me.  It doesn't come naturally and our ability to be ordered comes from the logical, sequential side of the brain, the left side.  I was telling a psychology friend of mine about my lopsided brain and her comment was, "Oh yes, that is the picture of a traumatized brain!" really? Can you be damaged on a cellular level? Am I broken in places where no one can see?  Funny, that concept gives me some peace.  You see, I have always felt that to be true. It makes sense out of how I feel. 

Well, the good news is its more physical training than damage.  I had to be intuitive to avoid violence.  Logic would get me nowhere.  I exercised the right side of my brain and the muscles on that side are lean and strong.  I like being intuitive. It is a gift that helps me touch others with empathy and hope. I don't want to lose that training but I can still do exercises to strengthen the other side of my brain.  The research I have done says it's never too late for brain development.  The left side of my brain isn't dead or damaged... it's just flabby! W00t!

It's hard to know how to start.  I have made many efforts to bring order into my house, my days, my kitchen cabinets. Ugh! That is a lot of work! But the concept of the Spirit hovering over my chaos, my deep, dark bubbling pool of black and disorder, poised to make it teaming with life, that's cool! 

My sad confession is that I have passed my chaos onto my children.  Having no order to give, has cost them deeply.  My daughter has taught me a lot about taking that chaos to the LORD.  I remember when she ordered her kitchen cabinets.  She asked God where to put each thing.  It took time and patience and listening but her cabinets are beautiful and easy it seems for her to keep ordered because she knows where everything goes.  Wow, I am amazed. 

So God, help me, put me on an exercise regime that will work for me.

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