This thread begins on February 7th
It has been frustrating. For the last two days I have worked to get my blog post up but internet connection has been a challenge. So I am posting both yesterday and today’s blogs at once.
I was flying back home today, which gave me plenty of time for a business meeting with God. We talked facts and figures of how to pull the finances of my life together. And I asked about the point of this exercise. I have been at it for 22 days and I still have not completed all 10 things in one day. It feels impossible! Grrrr! It makes me feel like a failure, like I can’t even pull together 10 things. So God, what about that? (listening) Hmmm the sense that I have is that He agrees that 10 things is too big of a task for me…
Well if that is true then why did I start this in the first place? (listening) hmmm, the sense I have is that it’s been about exposure. Well I have definitely had some heart issues exposed! I have had a lot of legalistic thinking exposed. I still keep trying to figure out what I can do that will be “good enough” to count. Did I do enough to mark it down that I ordered something or cleaned something?
Hmmm but I think He is touching on more than I am seeing. He is reminding me that I was asked to change seats again as I flew home today. Ok, so giving up your seat once that could be random but twice in a row, that could be inspired :) What an interesting thought. God did you set me up to do something kind? Like I don’t always have to be vigilant about being kind I could ask you to set things up for me? (listening) I sense a smirk like, “Hey look! I think she’s getting it” =D Wow, then I could “count” a lot more of the things I do? (oh good grief!). I was asked by a couple who were trying to sit together if I would be willing to change my seat. Shoot, who wouldn’t? How can that be anything that counts for anything? (I have it real bad eh God?) hmmm the sense I have is that I need help.
Ok so what if I am looking at this completely wrong? Am I trying on my own power to DO this list? Is it more about receiving direction than it is about the doing? But I do need to battle this disorder what about that? (listening) Hmmm, the picture I have is of battles being planned and directed by generals. They are not random fits of fighting. They are statically planned and executed. So how does that work?
Oh God, I don’t know what that means. Am I muscling through this list as if it is my power that will accomplish them? Is there a way to attack this list any other way? (listening) Hmmm, the sense I have is that He told me to “do the list”, not to “plan the list.” Ok, so how do I do that? (listening) The sense I have is more like receiving than making it happen. Like being asked to give up my seat. I did nothing to PLAN an act of random kindness. All I had to do was do it. Hmmm, so God, I’m not sure how to do this. It feels like stepping outside of my skin. But I am willing to try.
(listening) The sense I have is that we are going to step back from 10 things and do some things on the list every day (I’ve only been able to do some things anyway!). Those things will be of God’s choosing not mine. Not like a law but as an opportunity to live with purpose. Move as He moves. The only two things He wants me to do consistently is our business meetings, and writing in this blog. Ok, I can do that. Oops, Hmmm Ok God, you have my permission to do that in me :)
1) (business meeting with God) yup
2) (blog) yup
3) (Act of Random Kindness) I had another thing happen to me today. I was waiting until the last minute to load on my plane. Sitting across from me was a man who was sleeping soundly. His boarding pass was face up beside him. I quietly peeked to see if he was supposed to board on my flight which he was. After the last of the passengers were loaded I woke him up and told him the plane was loaded. He was VERY grateful.
4) (Clean something) I came home to a clean house
5) (Order something) I got sales taxes filed today… they were due today and God reminded me of it in the nick of time.
6) (Book) wow, perhaps I am looking at everything wrong. Is blogging a part of reaching my audience?
7) (Family) I was met at the airport. It was a good excuse to share dinner together.
8) (Me) I am beginning to wonder if time with God is me time… duh!
9) (Ministry) Hmmm and maybe kindness is ministry?
10) (rest) And even if order is restful? I think I have been looking at this list all wrong! Perhaps He has been doing more with this exercise than I have been thinking and perhaps I have been doing less. I am amazed.