Day 12: Bringing Life to Order (Reality Check)

This thread starts on February 7th

The last two weeks I have been doing this my husband has been out of town. That is hard for me. I feel like I am learning what it is like to be a widow… That thought panics me. My brain doesn’t even want to go there! But, on the flip side it is giving me opportunity to practice order without someone else’s stuff bumping against mine.

Yesterday I had the gang over to celebrate my son’s birthday. I found myself at a loss. It doesn’t take long to forget how to cook! I did end up with a delicious soup (I finally landed on making “dump soup” which is taking soup stock and dumping everything vege you have left in the fridge into it), gingerbread and a huge mess in the kitchen…. Well; maybe not that huge and I had lots of help cleaning it up but it let me know that my new found sense of order is pretty fragile and I am only taking on half of my assignment which is overwhelming enough. One puff of wind and it will blow over. God what about that? (I have a sense, kind of a reminder that we are working on brain development here which takes time…. lots of time.) I’m not sure I’m satisfied with that answer. At what point will it feel like I am actually making progress and not just managing better? (The sense I have is that being around order is progress. Just to be able to rest my eyes on something that isn’t chaotic is progress. One day in a week of order is still a day of brain development) Hmmm, I’m feeling impatient this morning!

Yesterday's report:

1) (business meeting with God) I woke up feeling chaotic and overwhelmed yesterday. I took time to ask God what to do and how and He helped me pick my menu for the “party” which was a MUCH simpler menu than I would have picked. :)

2) (blog) 11 days of consistency is a miracle!

3) (Act of Random Kindness) still working on this

4) (Clean something) I cleaned my house which didn’t need much

5) (Order something) I filled out all the tax forms and other forms I faced the dragon last night w00t! Last minute like, today is the deadline.

6) (Book) nothing

7) (Family)party

8) (Me) hmmm

9) (Ministry) yup

10) (rest) got forms done instead does that count? Probably not ) *sigh*

Day 9: Bringing Life to Order

This thread begins on February 7th

W00t! I’m looking around my house today and it looks together! Well, mostly, The bathroom is clean and tidy, the floors are not over run with dust bunnies (my house is their favorite breeding ground!) There aren’t little disorganized piles of everything, everywhere. There are things to do to tidy up this morning but very few. That feels like a miracle! I have been feeling all week like I am failing at this bringing life to order thing. I haven’t accomplished the 10 things on the list to my satisfaction once… and at the same time it does look more ordered in here than maybe ever. I’m not sure how that happened. Maybe the Menehunes came to visit me when I wasn’t looking (they’re real you know, google them and see lol!) I still have a ton of things to bring to order. But all things considered… my house feels amazing. Perhaps this is hard to understand for all you administrative types (whom I greatly respect) but this continues to be a huge fight for me.

I believe it’s hard for physical reasons as well as emotional and spiritual. When your brain has developed with chaos as a norm it develops differently than if you grew up in a peaceful, ordered environment. There is more development in the fight or flight region of the brain and less in the methodical, logical part of the brain. Bringing life to order is like having your brain climb some huge mountain when it hasn’t walked for years. Sometimes my head literally hurts when I am trying to stretch it into being linear. I guess that is hard to explain.

When my children were little I often employed what my friends called, “The Hefty Bag System”. I was exhausted most of the time because of health issues and I was overwhelmed with the chaos of three rambunctious children. So when I couldn’t get all the laundry done or the living room brought to order, sometimes I just threw it all in hefty bags (or boxes) to deal with later. There are times when I still recommend the hefty bag system. It gives a visual sense of order which can be renewing in itself. But I confess, my kids are grown now and I still have remnants of the hefty bag system in my closets. Since some were packed away at times in my life when I was struggling they are hard to sort through and conquer. That is what I want to order… one closet at a time but I haven’t had time or the power somehow. God how do I gain the gumption to face it? Hmmm the sense that I have is to take it one box at a time not one closet at a time. Just like the house. I didn’t clean it all up like a whirlwind in a day. I did a floor here and a table there. Ok so perhaps today I will take on one box…

Yesterday’s report:

1) (bsmtg w God) Perhaps tomorrow I will write about what God and I are thinking of beginning

2) (blog) Yesterday I was so exhausted but it feels successful to have written something. It didn’t feel like I “had” to but I really want to push through and get this done.

3) (ARK) I’m still praying for eyes to see. I’m grieved at how much people turn into obstacles for me. If I am shopping I am focused on the stuff I need to find. I want to see the people around me… I used to, what happened God? (listening) Hmmm the picture I have is of riding in a car. Often we are in such a hurry that when you see a deer, or raccoon on the side of the road we can’t stop and just marvel for a while at God’s art. That always grieves me. I picture me in a car with flowers and animals blurring by and me missing it all. Hmmm that is how I am with people right now. They are passing by in a blur and I am not stopping to see them. But God why don’t I feel the grief of that like I do with the loss of a view of nature? (listening) Hmmm the sense I have is that I don’t compete with nature… hmmm do I compete with people? Hmmm I guess if I am trying to find the best apple in bunch or the best parking spot. I get Your point God. Help me!

4) (Cln smthg) I did get bathrooms done and floors cleaned

5) (Odr smthg) hmmm not sure

6) (Bk) nope

7) (Fam) lots of family time today

8) (Me) ???

9) (Mnstry) Good ministry sessions yesterday. I learned a lot :)

10) (rest) I didn’t do very well in the resting department yesterday but who could when you went to bed at 6 am?