I had difficulty finding internet access today and thus this is late but not forgotten. On the west coast it is still early afternoon. I don’t have many responsibilities here. There isn’t much I can clean or organize so I have been focusing on things I can do. I’m still struggling with simple acts of kindness. That’s a sad commentary! I am noticing how much I don’t notice. I guess that’s a start. The sun is shining here and the temperature is perfect. I took advantage and strolled slowly up the street looking at the flowers all in bloom around me. There is one house whose porch is covered in beautiful purple and lacy ivory flowers. I was admiring their beauty when a voice from behind them startled me by saying, “Hello!” I didn’t even notice she was there *sigh*. God my eye “sight” is in serious trouble. I apologized for not acknowledging her and chatted for a while. Geeze, can’t see the people for the flowers. God help me.
I get so focused on what I am doing, shopping or walking you name it. People just disappear and are replaced by these slowly, moving obstacles in my path. I don’t’ see their faces. And worse yet, I don’t see their hearts. What is it that keeps me from really looking? (listening) Hmmm, it feels like I am afraid of what I will see.
I went shopping today in several stores all crawling with different people and I can only remember one face and that because he was so out of the ordinary. I went to a goodwill store to shop for a blanket. In the middle of the store sitting on a chair was an older man who had several strings of metallic looking pearls around his neck and one on his arm. He had two sticks in his hands and he was playing with the sticks and the necklaces and perfectly pleased with his find. He was fascinated by the necklace and just as oblivious as I was of the crowds all around him. He had a sweet face and was totally enjoying himself.
People would call him disadvantaged… but he seemed more joyful than anyone else around him. Perhaps our perceptions are twisted. I kick myself for not saying hello. I just didn’t think of it. So God what am I afraid I might see if I look? (Listening) Hmmm, I think sometimes I am afraid of being consumed. Not of one person in particular but by the huge emptiness and hunger of the sea of sadness and loss. How do you plunge into the sea of humanity and not drown in the agony of every suffering soul? (listening)
Hmmm, I wonder how Jesus was able to do what He did. I picture Him often surrounded by a mob of spiritually emaciated souls all pressing in to get what they can from Him be it healing or comfort or hope. And yet scriptures describe Him consistently being moved with compassion. I think I would run in fear of being sucked completely dry. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that I do! What about that God? (listening)
I think the most important task for me is to stay on the side of God’s perspective. Perhaps that was Peter’s mistake as he started sinking in the waves. He started out with the same perspective as Jesus’, that being that water can be a perfectly good surface for walking. But then he came to his senses and realized walking on water was a crazy idea. Allowing the pain of the masses to touch me is just as crazy… but walking on the side of God’s perspective keeps me from drowning.
1) (business meeting with God) it’s been fun to have more time to ponder and listen
2) (blog) better late than never. I think I need to write these at night here cause the day is half over when the sun comes up.
3) (Act of Random Kindness) asking God for new perspective
4) (Clean something)
5) (Order something)
6) (Book) I found some places to send my book to in hopes of opening doors
7) (Family) a little on the phone time
8) (Me) lots of me time here
9) (Ministry) nope
10) (rest) I did take a nap but it was countered by staying up late. Still working on this rest idea.