Thursday, January 5, 2012
It's been almost a year since I started my war against chaos. Well, really, my war started when I said yes to Jesus, but perhaps this year it has been a more concentrated effort? I'm not sure how to put words to the lessons I have struggled through this year. More and more I am understanding that the war is not against stuff or clutter. It is against the enemy. The author of Chaos. I believe God is a God of order. He brings order into the lives of His people as we turn to Him. But the battle rages between order and chaos. It feels like I have made so much progress that I can no longer tolerate the chaos that once was the norm in my life. But I haven't grown to the point that I am able to eliminate chaos. Wow, I can't even imagine I have learned that trauma, especially childhood trauma fills your brain with chaos. It's not just an emotional block but a physical reality. Physical/ Psychological trauma causes your brain to develop differently. It;s like running backwards all the time. I am in the process of packing up part of my house and sorting out other parts.It's beyond me right now.How do people know what is important and what is in the way of life? I am just taking one paper, one box, one drawer at a time. God must do the rest. I keep clinging to the passage the says, "in Him all things hold together. That is my brain.