I have a neighbor, well, I had a neighbor. He is challenged mentally. I'd say he is developmentally in his young teens. No one likes him because he is different. He talks kind of loud, doesn't have the sense that others might over hear. He prolifically uses foul language and sometimes he is clearly half a bubble off; like the time he told me you couldn't eat an apple with a worm in it because the worm would grow up and make your stomach explode :/. He talks about himself... a lot, repeats himself... a lot, and he doesn't really know how to "be" around people.
In response, people around here talk about him behind his back. They talk about how hard they work at not having to engage him. They talk about all the ways he just isn't measuring up. Their contempt is palpable. I know he can sense their disapproval. He cringes when we talk about his encounters and I see him struggling to process how he feels about it. It's very sad.
Having had some experience with the developmentally delayed, I recognized right away that he was struggling to function in the adult world he found himself in (he is in his 60's and still has a room full of stuffed animals) He had a job and worked hard at it and was proud of the fact that he was making a living and owned his own little car and trailer. He was homeless before he got his job and he was waffling between being glad he now had a home and wishing he didn't because living in his car was easier. (i.e. he didn't have to face his challenges so head on all the time.)
We have befriended him and he has enjoyed having a neighbor to come to, to ask questions and advice. We have helped him to navigate some yard issues and high tech challenges. In return he has helped us with different projects around our house.
All the time I have known him, he has been in an online relationship with a girl in Asia. She's young and pretty, and he is hooked. She has been pressing him to come and see her for a long time. He came to me for help getting his birth certificate, the first step towards a passport. As I heard more of his story, I became alarmed. He met her on what he called a "dating site". As I helped him navigate getting paperwork online, I realized that the "dating sites" he was referring to were porn sites. He didn't know the difference. Oh my! All my alarm bells were going off! This was a man in trouble. To tell you the truth, I did my best to slow the process down. I helped but, it took several months for him to get his birth certificate. In the mean time, I called the national hotline for human trafficking. They were a wealth of information but also helped me to understand that it was ultimately his decision.
We did our best to open his eyes to the dangers abroad. We tried to give him tools for finding his way back home if he needed them. But today, he made his choice and left on a flight to the rest of his life. I ache inside not knowing... wishing I could have done more. I feel like I have failed him. But I don't know what else I could have tried.
What is sad to me is how we all contributed to his decision. The guys at work who let him take the blame for their behavior and got him fired. The people in his neighborhood who refused to engage him because he was different. The management where he lived who constantly confronted him with what he didn't do right without offering tools for success. And me who didn't stick up for him soon enough.
I hope he will defy the odds and actually be meeting the girl of his dreams. I hope that he can make his way back. I pray that he will remember that his neighbors care.
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