Wednesday, August 17, 2011


I work with hurting women. Most are women of HUGE integrity. Most put my own faith and love of the LORD to shame. They cling to Jesus because they have to. When you are stripped of everything that was truly important to you, what else can you do?

I've been there. It was a rude awakening to learn that life was not something that I could control. I have never felt more shame than when I "failed" to save my marriage. But the place where I felt MOST shamed was in the church.

We raise our daughters to expect that Cinderella/ happily-ever-after ending, one that only prince charming can give us. But when prince charming turns out to be not so charming, we leave our daughters swimming in a pool of shame. We have laid it upon women to make prince charming... happy.

Think about it. Why do we teach our girls what we do? Why do women wear perfume, makeup, form fitting clothing? Are we teaching our girls to be prey? Are we trying to be lures trolling for some prince charming to catch us? Are we nothing unless we are loved by some man?

Then when we do "catch" that prince charming what does he "expect" from us as women? I know too many women who feel trapped in a world where their men feel entitled to them as if they were a purchased sex slaves. It is a appalling! Is no one appalled???

Most of the women I work with who fight a terrible battle to save their marriage, lose it because they are the only ones fighting. It is out of their control. You can not make another human being choose life. Nor are you to blame when they do not! Eve didn't make Adam take of the fruit. He knew what he was doing (Genesis 3). Something became more important to him than God and he paid a huge price for that reality.

When I lost what to me was the most precious thing I had, my marriage, I felt sub human, I could feel the stinging shame of a woman carrying the scarlet letter. I had a big red 'D' that I carried around with me everywhere I went. I was divorced... a failure, flawed. I was no longer a princess because the prince had rejected me. ugh!

The thing is, my thinking was perpetuated in the Church. Though I had no control over a man who chose to be unfaithful to his wife. I couldn't make myself attractive enough. Did I make mistakes... yes! But, the truth is... he just wanted fresh meat. How does that make me unfit to teach or serve as a Christian? Why am I the one singled out as the failure?

That happened years ago. I have been happily married for over 30 years but I am still afraid of people who would shame me because of someone else's choice. It's been over thirty years and I still see women who lose their church the day they lose their marriage. It is so mean, and wrong. Please Church, consider your ways!

1 comment:

  1. i am so sorry Ruth Anne, seems that you have once again seen the evil rear it's ugly head in what God meant for good, the church. I pray for those you work with that are hurting and that are put under the tire of those who think they can judge because they have a bible and the ability to know more then God (they actually don't, and you and I both know it).
    May the Lord truly shine His bright true light on those dark hearted individuals and show them the injustice they do to all women bullied, and pushed aside. May God show them what true humility is. Hugs to you, and may your heart truely be comforted. Love you.