Peter and the Waves... and fear

I grew up around boats.  In my teenage years, I helped crew a boat through the Queen Anne straight and up through the San Juan Islands along the western coast of Canada.  Through the islands, the water was calm but there were a few crossings where we met with the open sea where waves were more than thirty feet high.  That meant that we road a wave way up to the peak, and then we were swallowed up, completely surrounded by water on all sides as we sank into the valley between waves.  As a child, I was fascinated but as an experienced seaman, my grandfather was in earnest of crossing the straight safely.  

Because of my experience, I have a different picture of Jesus and Peter out on the Sea of Galilee.  I can see Peter losing sight of Jesus and only being able to see walls of water all around him.  We sometimes fault Peter for having so little faith. But if you were in his shoes, a well seasoned fisherman who knows the dangers well, perhaps his fear would make more sense.  

Fear... isn't that what separates us from everything good?  I don't mean the kind of fear that teaches you not to get too close to a snake or a cliff.  That is respect... not fear.  Fear is irrational... and unreasonable.   Paul calls it "the spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7).  He describes us as being in bondage to it (Romans 8:15).  Fear is the enemy.  If you want to know Satan's agenda for you... consider your deepest fears.  He is driving you by them... driving you away from God's call in your life.  Driving you from the good and towards what is evil.  Fear is like a cattle prod, it's very effective and evil at it's core.  

This is why we are called to take courage.  Like in 1 Chronicles 22:13 "Be strong and of good courage; do not fear nor be dismayed."  Because fear will drive you away from God.

When evil reigns

I was reading in Psalms 110 and wondered.  It feels like a promise of death and destruction and I wondered, "How is this about a loving God full of mercies?  I wonder if many of the psalms of David are a yearning for justice.  I remember a time when I longed for justice.  My life was in the crosshairs of a man who needed to be more powerful than hmmm... me maybe?... or God?.  I pleaded to God for justice... but in this life, justice will not come.  

 Proverbs 28:5  says, "Evil men do not understand justice" Has there ever been a time when that was more true than now?  Actually, as I think about it, yes, there has been.  Many times oppressors have come and invaded land and crushed people.  People groan under the power of evil.  

I wonder, what is the goal of evil?  Is it only about bringing chaos or is there a deeper agenda?  I wonder if the end goal is to cause us all to lose our courage?  I find it interesting that in Revelations 21:8 ("But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”) cowardice is mentioned in the same list with the murderers and sexually immoral.  That can certainly put me in my place.

Satan is subtle if nothing else isn't he?  We can look so "good" on the outside but if fear is ruling our decisions... we are in deeper trouble than we think!  

So where do we turn?  And what do we do?  Listening... I am reminded of Peter in Matthew 14:22-33  when Peter climbed out of the boat to walk on the water with Jesus.  At first he leaped out of the boat and walked with Jesus on the water,  But then, for a moment, fear took over, as he realized he was doing the impossible.  His only hope then was to cry out to Jesus for rescue.  

Is it time for us to do the same? 

What is out of reach?

Last year, 2020, the year when time stood still and we all stayed at home... alone. It was not our best year financially.  We recently filed our income taxes.  Last year our income fell well below poverty level.  I know that we are not alone.  We as a country, and others all over the world suffered.  It was a year we all will remember.  History will be marked by it.  There will be things before covid, and things after covid.  Hmmm will there be an "after covid?"  

I want to be one who leans into Jesus when times are tough.  I want to trust Him for the things we need and rest in Him for the things we want.  But in reality, I have to work at that.  It's not always easy to choose to trust rather than worry.  I'm not concerned for my next meal.  It is already in the fridge.  So what frightens me?  Why do I need to know how my Abba Father will choose to bless me.  Isn't it enough to know that He will?  I do know that I am blessed.  But I also know that suffering can be God's best for me sometimes.  It is our training ground.

I do believe that there are harder times ahead.  Lord help me practice now.  Help me to know that you are in control, that you love your children and that you will not leave them starving.  Help us always to accept your gift with joy... even if it is not what we had in mind.

Lord, I find myself chasing rainbows, things that always seem just beyond my finger tips.  But if I deeply look at what I am grasping for... they are exactly that... rainbows, a trick of the light, mists and reflections, nothing of substance..  Psalms 63:1 says this, "O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water."

Covid is a wake up call.  Wake up O my soul... seek after the only thing that will satisfy.  

Rain in it's season,

 Deuteronomy 11:13-17 says,  "And it shall be that if you earnestly obey My commandments which I command you today, to love the Lord your God and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul,  then I will give you the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, your new wine, and your oil. And I will send grass in your fields for your livestock, that you may eat and be filled.’ Take heed to yourselves, lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them, lest the Lord’s anger be aroused against you, and He shut up the heavens so that there be no rain, and the land yield no produce, and you perish quickly from the good land which the Lord is giving you." 

Here in the North, we have had many strange weather patterns.  It was warm way too early, then cold way too late.  It rained during harvest and this spring we have seen little to none.  I have been noticing that our springs thaws and much later and our winter onset is too.  People blame climate change but I have to wonder.  Is God trying to get our attention?  Do we in some indirect ways have some control over climate change?  Not so much by preventing emissions as making admissions.  We have not taken in to account the effect holiness has on the weather.  Perhaps we should?

Obedience and a hunger for Grace

 God must have a sense of humor.  writing right now is an act of obedience... one that took me far to long to move in today.  I distract myself with so many things then late at night I ask... well, what do you want me to write about?... obedience... ouch!!!

In these times, when life is so confusing maybe?  It's hard for me to move through the molasses of my day and function.  After taking a covid break from people, it's hard to figure out how to reengage.  I'm not sure I want to!    People have become so rage full and unforgiving.  I find myself hungering for grace.  Grace... yes from God but perhaps more so from the people around me.  I remember, a long time ago now, when I was pregnant with my first born.  I often took the bus downtown to shop or get some fresh air.  When I got on the bus people fell all over themselves to offer me, an obviously pregnant woman, a seat.  

Fast forward a few years and I was on a Southwest flight and the stewardess asked if someone would give up their seat because there was a family with two small children who needed to be seated together.  Though I was traveling alone, so I was of no help.  But there were many who had the ability though not the willingness to offer their seat.  Why is it that we see ourselves as more advanced, a better society now?  I miss kindness!

How are grace and obedience connected?  I think grace is often not our knee jerk reaction.  perhaps it isn't intentional, but how often to we think of another's circumstance as more important than our own?  Offering grace requires that you are a mind awake.  I believe that obedience is the caffeine that does just that.  It draws our eyes out of the looking glass and focuses them on service.

Hebrews 5:8 says, "though He (Jesus) was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered." Obedience is hard earned.  It costs a lot.  It takes practice.  It must be learned, learned and relearned.  I need to start again... today