I have a choice

I have a choice. Do you know how amazing that is? I believe the whole story from creation to crucifixion is God’s excruciating and yet gracious act of giving choice. God offers choice instead of control. That is huge! Here I am small and in comparison insignificant and yet I often cling to the illusion that I can control my world I’ve paid a high price for other’s choices. Others have paid a high price for mine. Control seems much safer… doesn’t it? Many times I have screamed at God in my anger, “Why didn’t you intervene?” But what good is relationship if there is no choice in the midst of it? Complicated questions… I do wish for an end to the pain and cruelty in the world but today I am glad that I have a choice.

Today I have a choice, not so much about how I feel as how I choose to respond to how I feel. I am a very passionate person. I feel a LOT all the time. I feel muddled, confused, protective, frustrated, weary, sad, discouraged you name it. Sometimes I feel down right PISSED! It is a temptation for me to bounce from one extreme to another passionately something all the time. It can be exhausting not just for me but also for those around me. *sigh*

But I do have a choice. I can be gentle when I feel like ripping through life like a bull in a china cabinet. I can dance when I feel like hiding under the bed. I can be bold when I feel like a bowl of jelly on the inside. I can choose how I will affect the people around me. I can work to see their needs and hurts, even when I am in pain. I can look beyond myself and take the needs of others into consideration. I can be loving when I don’t want to give a rip. I have a choice. That’s awesome!