Hidden contempt

I've been thinking about hidden contempt and the power it has to level me at times. I am not really phased by overt disgust towards me but I am still hooked sometimes by hidden contempt. People, who say with their mouths that they care but really, push come to shove, they don't like me at all. That twists my truth all over the map. Like me. or hate me but tell it like it is. Hmmm maybe it's more than that. It's the whole idea of being judged that hurts me deeply.

God placed in the garden of Eden two trees whose fruits were forbidden. The tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Were these trees opposites? The knowledge of good and evil has given man the power to judge... but the fruit was forbidden. We have the power to judge but not the right. Those that take up that "right" have over stepped their authority and in the process wounded someone deeply.

But let's face it. We have all stood and judges. I long for the day when I am free of the damage I have caused in that regard. I want to be different, a giver of grace... it is taking time just to break old habits and I think it is hard as you age not to become cynical.

I talked in another blog about being forgiven once for things I would NEVER do. It hurts. But the thing that hurts more is to be treated so unlovingly (being defined without being seen) and yet be told it is love. When ever anyone does in the name of love or in the name of God what God would never do it twists our view of God and makes Him suspect. It places a stumbling block in our path to God.

This is just a jumble of thoughts,
I covet your input