It's been a long few days. I spent some time with people that send this very subtle message "So glad to see you, when are you leaving?" It is confusing and sad. Like a split message, "You SHOULD be there, Your not welcome!" It makes me feel like I'm moving in molasses. I feel shell shocked and maybe a little lost. There was a time when I didn't believe I belonged anywhere. Ever been there?
So today I am taking the time to recover. I am starving to see delight in the eyes of my Abba. It is hard for me to find Him in the clamor of confusing and conflicting messages about my identity. Am I His delight, or am I their disdain? Am I sloppy, stringy and immature? Or am I unpretentious and full of grace? (listening) Hmmm perhaps sometimes I am both. If I chose life, I will smell like death to those who do not. It's a law of physics. If I passionately cling to the welcome my God offers me. Other doors are slammed in my face. Ouch! If I chose not to hide behind masks that make me look more together than I really am, some will find me offensive.
That doesn't give permission of arrogance but it does give me a place of acceptance even because I am not accepted if that makes sense. I am not willing to work for acceptance anymore. I just want to be accepted. (listening) Hmmm Ephesians 1:3-6 comes to mind, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. "
It is He that made us "accepted in the Beloved" what a wonderful place to be.