Monday, April 4, 2011

Day 52 looking for progress

It’s been a little over 50 days since I have started this blogging adventure. I have been trying to listen to God each day for what I am supposed to accomplish for the day. There are some days when it seems hard to figure out what is my desire to do for the day and what is God’s desire for the day. Some days it’s clear as a bell but others not so much. I haven’t decided if I am not clear on those days because I am not clear or because God isn’t giving a definitive answer. Sometimes He answers as I go about my day… like yesterday, who could have predicted in the morning what would happen the rest of the day? I got a phone call midday and God whispered, “This is important, listen up” And so the rest of my day was laid out.

There are some cool things to point out overall though. One is, God would have me do way less than I think I “Should” do in a day. Because I struggle regularly with low energy, I tend to wait for a day when I feel better and then cram a bunch of things in the day because who knows when I will have another “good” day. When I am listening to God, I tend to do one hard thing in a day (hard meaning something that costs energy). When I do that, I seem to have more energy over all… I am evening out a bit and having less total crashes.

I also quit way sooner. I don’t go places I sometimes think I “should” go. I stay at home more often which gives me the time to bring it into better order.

I have since I started this brought many things to order. My paperwork is in better order than it has been in perhaps a decade or more. My house though a bit cluttered this morning is in way better order over all. There are only three dishes in my sink as I rise this morning. There are a few things on my table but most are pertinent for my day today.

There are other things that seem out of order but mostly they seem to be next in line or maybe they show up as the other things come to order. One of those is my attachment to the internet. Somehow I am managing my pain by filling my brain with empty facts. Some facts are important to know… I like to learn new things but when the house is empty at the end of the day sometimes I avoid the emptiness by making noise. I think that is the next thing to face and bring to order.

I have felt led to try some different supplements, and I have changed the way my house looks and feels, I have changed my patterns throughout my day without even realizing it. I can’t tell what single thing has made the difference but I am not nearly as exhausted. There has always been this deep, in your bones kind of exhaustion that I have lived with I guess since I acquired MCS that has been missing for the last few weeks. It is WAY amazing!

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