More thoughts on being forgiveness-conscious

I’m still thinking about sin-consciousness and forgiveness-consciousness. I’m thinking of a drama team we once developed in a Church. We were encouraged by some there to act out messages of guilt so that people might be shamed into some kind of a conviction. Yikes!

Several of us questioned this tactic as manipulative and wrong but couldn’t make much headway. It seems like sin-consciousness has been purported as the way to bring about holiness. I don’t agree. In 1 Peter 1:5-9 it talks about adding to your faith virtue, knowledge, self-control and the like but the conclusion in verse nine is interesting. It says, “For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.” So could it be that what drives our desire for holiness isn’t the knowledge of our sins but the knowledge of our forgiveness?

From a parent’s perspective that makes total sense. Children thrive when, even in correction, you keep in mind who they are as individuals. Children know their flaws, what they need is a way out in spite of them. For instance, I have a son who can not learn sitting still. (that doesn’t mean he is ADD, it means he is a kinetic learner. He learns by doing not so much by looking or listening.) I used to try to teach him spelling the way I was taught (which didn’t work for me btw). My son is super smart but he could never get the spelling of words to stick. He was frustrated, I was frustrated… but telling him he was a lousy speller and that he needed to do better would not have helped. Instead we looked for new ways to understand spelling. I told him he was very smart (because he is) and there must be a way to get that stuff in there in a way where it would stick. In the process we learned he needed to pace or wiggle in order to learn.

My son didn’t need to be told he was inadequate. He was very clear that he missed the mark in spelling. He needed to be given a way out of his inadequacies. When given that way out, he flourished in spelling along with every aspect of learning.

Knowing that I am forgiven, gives me the courage to risk.

Junk mail, taxes and freedom

But I am celebrating today because I am almost done with my part of the taxes and that is truly a miracle!!! I suck at paperwork! It’s the whole formaphobia thing :/ . Bringing that to order has been a huge job.

Though I have dropped putting my list up I am still watching God bring my life to order. This is a huge step in that direction. I have gone beyond getting the paperwork done for taxes (I am almost there) but I also got all of this years paperwork organized too. I am still facing a small pile of things I need to add up and get organized but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (and it’s not a train w00t!) and there is so much less of a mess in here.

Junk mail drives me crazy! It’s like an everyday attack of chaos and disorder. I have gotten to where I no longer take the junk mail out of my box every day, I’m sure it’s not pleasing my mail carrier but I don’t want all this junk in my mail box! I didn’t ask for it. I wait until I have the energy to go through it and drop what isn’t important and isn’t risky in the recycle bin before I even get in the house.

I am still mulling over the idea of being forgiveness-conscious instead of sin-conscious. I am finding that many believe it is important to be sin-conscious, like it is how to stay humble before the LORD. Gosh, the picture I have of being sin-conscious is coming up to God like a little whipped puppy who is so frightened of impending doom that his little tail is tucked deeply under his belly and pee is leaking uncontrollably down his quivering little legs. This can’t be God’s intent us! He calls us of more worth than many sparrows, the apple of His eye, and very good”

As I say that I am remembering a line to a song that says, “Sin can not be your master, for we are not under law but under grace.” I wonder… are we mastered by sin when we sin or are we mastered by it when we carry the shame of it around our necks like the “Scarlet Letter”? Or is there really any difference between the two? I believe that if we are forgiveness-conscious we will stop sulking around and start walking free… That doesn’t make me anxious to sin it frees me up to see beyond myself.

Taking Sin and Grace out of Church Speak (part two) The root of defeat, the antidote and bicycle riding :)

I’m still reading that Joseph Prince’s book. It’s full of good stuff… and stuff that I question. I think I am pretty good at throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Maybe that’s an old saying ey? It means that I throw out the whole message because there is something in it that I disagree with. That’s sad. I wonder if that comes from damage (listening) hmmm there is something hurtful to someone who is truth based when you tell, or imply that the teacher is always right. That doesn’t give permission to say that a good teacher can be wrong sometimes. Or that you can think for yourself, go over the message and dig out the nuggets without swallowing the whole pan full.

Back to the book, and still thinking of sin and grace. Joseph talks about being sin- conscious vs. forgiveness- conscious. He says many Christians are living out their lives sin-conscience… In other words we are still walking around fully aware of, and brutalized by, our inadequacies. It’s almost like we have built our faith around our inadequacies instead of the antidote. That puts words to things I have been trying a long time to put words to. He says further that being sin- conscious sends down a vicious root of condemnation in our lives out of which we can not thrive as believers. I totally get that.

The cure, the antidote is understanding our rescue. In every way we are inadequate Jesus intervened. In every way that we missed the mark, Jesus won the prize and then gave it to us. In Jesus, there is no missing the mark… period. If we get that, really get that? Then we can walk around forgiveness-conscious. Thinking not of how we don’t measure up but of why we do! That is what the word grace means to me… it’s like pushing the back of my kid’s bicycle so that they can ride it without falling. They are riding the bicycle they are being successful I am giving that success to them and having a ball in the process! I see Jesus in that light. He delights in keeping us upright while we flounder in the right direction. :)

Taking sin and grace out of Church speak (part one)

I have been wondering about grace and sin. If you have never been to Church, what would those words mean to you? They had little to no meaning to me. Grace was something that I lacked when I was growing up. Grace meant that you didn’t trip on your platform, high-heeled shoes, your hair was always perfect and you knew just what to say.. Somehow grace had an element of lucky attached to it. You either had it or you didn’t…. I didn’t.

Sin was something I could never grasp the meaning of. Being accused of being a “sinner” didn’t mean anything to me. I was accused of a lot of things, being ugly, lazy, dumb… sinner was just another vicious label. It didn’t mean anything when someone said, “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. Well, again, what does glory mean anyway?

Language is important if you want to be cross cultural. I think it’s important to know what you are saying or not saying to the people you are talking to. So, what do grace and sin really mean… in plain English? I’m asking, not telling.

The dictionary, at least some dictionaries, define sin as the breaking of a moral or religious law .The word sin translated from the Greek means to miss the mark, like an archer that misses the target. It has a little more to it… like an archer that lost the prize because he missed the mark might be a better picture. That idea is understandable to me. To say that sin is doing something bad or wrong religiously or morally would mean two things. That you and I agree on what is morally wrong or that you and I agree on what is religiously wrong. Good luck with that these days! I believe that we can all intuitively know that we are in need of help from a God who wants to. But what does that look like?

Going back to the concept of missing out because we missed the mark, I see that message in every advertisement. I’m too fat, so I miss the mark and need to go on a diet, I miss the mark so I need a dating service to help me find the love of my life. I miss the mark, so I need an attorney, I miss the mark so I need a new kind of hair shampoo or deodorant or whatever. Missing the mark means to me we are inadequate. Growing up you couldn’t convince me I was a “sinner” because I would have argued with you about the meaning of “moral” or “religious” but there was no end of feeling inadequate. That sense of inadequacy has driven me to the feet of Jesus many times. As a mother, I can not even hope to make the mark… I don’t even know how. I’m not sure what the target even is but I can guarantee you that I’m missing it. I don’t feel adequate as a friend, a wife, a writer, you name it.

Does that feel like a flippant definition of sin? I wonder if getting a better understanding of what sin “feels” like would give us more of a handle of our real need for relief. In all the ways that I feel inadequate, I struggle with shame. There is a difference between shame and guilt. Guilt says you did something wrong. Shame says there is something wrong with me. Feeling inadequate carries with it the idea that I “should” be adequate… or that there is a way to become adequate if I just focus and work hard enough. How many shoes, hair products and self help books are sold on that premise? Hmmm, there is more to say, and I haven’t even thought much about our antidote (grace). But more thoughts will have to wait until tomorrow. What are your thoughts?

TO BE CONTINUED:

Blessings, Pavement and Christan Bag Ladies

I guess I keep bringing up judgment because I’m reading a book about grace. The more I read about God’s grace the more I see the lack of it lived out in His people. That grieves me!

I’m not sure where I land with this book. It’s called “Destined to Reign”. Some of it is a pretty big stretch for me. I can’t say I can buy everything in it but then,0 I think stretching is good. I’m not sure I get the connection between blessings and grace. I know the obvious connection, like I am blessed to be accepted at all by God, and not just accepted but adopted as family. But what does our birthright or inheritance include?

Some would say that there is something wrong with being sick or poor if you are a Christian. I don’t buy that. I have health issues and I am done asking for God to change my circumstance. Not because I believe He can’t but because I believe He can and is willing to… but hasn’t… and for that reason must have purpose in my situation. I believe in Christian bag ladies… why not? Do you have to be middle class or above to be a Christian? Is there something wrong with your faith if you are dirty, poor or diseased? We judge by all the wrong markers.

On the flip side, have we thrown the baby out with the bathwater? I think we have one picture of blessings and God has another. Like the guy who figured out how to carry his gold with him when he died only to be asked at the entrance to heaven, “Why did you go through all that trouble to bring pavement up here?” I believe that God intends to bless us above all that we could ask or think. I just don’t know what that looks like. I think I’ve been afraid to think about God in the context of His desire to bless me. It scares me to be vulnerable enough to receive a blessing sometimes. Good grief that’s a sad commentary (listening) Hmmm I just have a sense of God kindly agreeing.

I like giving stuff, or even better time and a listening ear when my kids need their mama (they still do sometimes ;). It’s a tight rope trying to balance giving good gifts vs. gifts that will in some way damage, disempower or demoralize. I will have to think on this some more.

Resting

I have decided that I have nothing to say today… and that, that’s ok :)

Swimming in Molasses

I’m still thinking about shame, contempt and fear. These are the things that paralyze. Then I was thinking about desire and God’s gift of desire. I was thinking about a scene in the book “Hinds Feet on High Places” where Much-Afraid has agreed to go with the Chief Shepherd and He has planted the seed of love in her heart but she has to wait until He calls her. She waits and waits, with her bags all packed and ready, but time just creeps on… no call.

Then, just as she is surrounded and totally overwhelmed by her whole “Fearing Family”, right at the point where she is cowing in the corner unable to move much less answer, the Chief Shepherd calls. She is frozen. She is unable to answer. It’s a sad scene but common in my opinion.

I don’t want to be so overcome by fear that I do not listen to the call raging in my heart. Sometimes I fell trapped in my thinking. There must be a way to move forward. There must be a way to do what is screaming in my heart to do. It is not about me. It is about Him. I want to move forward but the molasses I am moving in is frustrating!

We are getting to an age where we are talking of retirement… at least we are listening to others who are thinking of retiring. I’m not sure what the point is. I can totally get retiring but there would have to be a purpose. It would be way cool to have enough money to not have to work to make it anymore but, that to me wouldn’t be retiring it would be support for missions…our mission :)

Hmmm I’m rambling. God why do I feel so trapped in molasses? (listening) Wow, there is a pretty huge sense inside of me that money is powerful. Money is oppressive to me… how can you seek God and not be constantly looking for money at the same time? There is something wrong with that! (listening) Hmmm, I’m thinking of a song I wrote for a couple who wanted to be in missions but felt trapped in their circumstance. One line says, “It feels like money has a hold but even this will turn” Oh God, make it so!

God's masterful work of art!

I have one of those choices today. Its kind like a choice between having a root canal and getting your tooth pulled. Neither choice is going to feel good. God help me hear you well today!

Years ago I had one those defining moments where I got a tiny, yet life changing glimpse of who God really is and who I am in the light of His glory. Over and over I’ve heard many talk about themselves in the light of God’s glory as if that light would diminish their worth. My own experience was way the opposite! We are image bearers. In that capacity we reflect the glory of God so that in the light of His glory we all light up like Christmas trees! It’s amazing!

For many years I lived in expectation of God’s disapproval. I knew I didn’t measure up. How could anyone measure up? But that question is all wrong. I am not here to measure up, only reflect and even then it is more like the reflection in a pond. Its nothing that I do— it’s who I am, God’s masterful work of art, that reflects His glory. The more I am still, the better the reflection. Wow, that’s cool! I’ve never looked at the passage “Be still and know that I am God” quite that way before. I am learning all sorts of reasons why rest is important!

The enemy, our accuser, uses a terrible weapon to reach in and mar our hearts. It’s called shame. It’s what I felt when I walked into a room full of people only to find that my dress was caught in my underwear on the back side. It is what I felt when publicly humiliated because I didn’t play the piano well enough… or was it that I couldn’t read the professors mind? It is what I felt the first day I ever walked into a church by myself—because my life was a mess and I needed someone to rescue me.

My glimpse of God’s glory and my relationship to that glory has changed my relationship to shame. God delights in me! He likes me…and He offers me wisdom, like “here’s how to get there from where you are.” not, “well, if you hadn’t have taken that wrong turn back there you would be here by now” As Romans 8:1 says, there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. None! It’s really true!

Having said all that I still encounter contempt from people. It hurts, it always hurts. In some ways it feels like the more my timid heart moves towards trusting Jesus, the more contempt hurts. I wish I could understand how to be shielded from that contempt. I’m thinking of the story in the Bible of Stephen who was stoned to death while at the same time preaching to the people. God didn’t shield Stephen from the stones. But He did give him a vision of heaven so powerful and awesome that he didn’t seem to notice the pain of their blows.

Perhaps that’s why God offers us all a glimpse of His glory and a glimpse of His graciousness towards us.

His yoke is easy!!!

Wow, I have been blogging everyday (with maybe 3 exceptions) for over 40 days. I feel successful!!!! I’m not known for my constancy. But you know what? This really hasn’t been very hard to do. It was hard to quiet myself at first to listen to God… well there are still a bizzillion distractions that keep me from listening well. But as I have struggled to figure out what was me taking on a “law” and what was God’s intentions for me in this. Wow, *heaving huge sigh of relief!!!* His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30).

Have you ever used that verse as a measuring stick for figuring out whether what you are hearing is from the LORD or not? Well, is what I heard light? Easy? I wonder… I don’t think it is that things are always easy in and of themselves. Jesus also said that narrow is the way and few there are that find it … but more and more I am realizing that God does not give us a desire without giving provision for its fulfillment

But there’s more on my mind this morning. A lot of my trouble with being constant has to do with chaos. That chaos is often self-inflicted. It’s not that I try to be chaotic. I believe chaos is what happens when people encounter evil and though I had no control over a lot of evil that I have encountered in life. It still brought with chaos with it.

I don’t believe that we were created to know evil. God never intended evil to be a part of our experience. He created us for good and not evil (though I do believe he build into us the ability to cope with the evil we encounter) Like Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, ' plans for good and not for calamity.

There is that passage in my head again (Colossians 1:17) in Him all things hold together. These 40+ days has been a fleshing out of this verse. As I have focused on listening… my head feels clearer than it has felt in a long time. I still have a long way to go, but my house is also becoming less chaotic as my mind is feeling more, well, stable for lack of a better word. W00t!

Never again a bug on a Petri Dish

I have been sitting here this morning trying to listen to God and trying to sort out my brain. It is full of conflicting emotions. I feel frozen, I have so many things I want to do with my life in the next few months but… I am finite and limited… and tired.

I suppose I believe there are two forces in our lives. I believe satan is working to stir evil desires within us, desires for things that our flesh craves as important but are really harmful. I’m still thinking about Psalms 37:4 (delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desire of your heart). God gives us the desires of our hearts. I don’t believe God means that to say He gives me the stuff I want. He gives me the want itself... Delight in the LORD and your desires change… they become holy. You don’t make your desires holy by trying but by delighting in the LORD. Holy desires are a gift from the LORD or maybe a law of physics. If you drop the butter, it will go splat on the floor. If you delight in the LORD… you will be filled with holy desire. What an awesome picture… see It’s not my effort that makes me holy in my thinking. Does it make sense then that the work of holiness is in being still? Psalms 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God” How can we delight in Him if we do not know Him… and how can we know Him if we are never still? No wonder there is so much in the scripture about resting… Have I said that before?

So what else is in there? (listening) Interesting—our enemy gives the desires of the flesh and God gives the desires of the heart. One draws out in us some kind of all comsuming, carnal, insatiable hunger. The other stirs us up in the depths of who we are and fills us with longing for more of Him. I hear so much about my own sinful desires. I struggle with how much people fear the worst in me. It stirs up fear in me. Well it used to more than it does now. I used to always feel like a bug in a Petri dish constantly under scrutiny by my fellow Christians and then I in fear of what I didn’t see in myself I would examine myself to try to see what they feared. I quit of putting myself under that microscope the day I realized my focus was on me. I can’t find Jesus when I do that… and I sink like a stone in the process.

The accusor unveiled

You never know what your children will gain from all the myriads of conflicts, conversations and teachings you had with them over the years. It’s frustrating to me that you never really find out how you did until it is too late to do anything about it. I guess that means I am totally and utterly dependent on God as a parent. I certainly was not capable of the huge task of keeping them alive much less teaching them what they “really” needed to know. How was I supposed to know what they “really” needed to know? I didn’t have a window into what they will encounter in life.

There is a passage in scripture now called the “golden rule”, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” that was my motivation to teach my kids how to fight. I grew up in a home where fighting amongst siblings was just plain expected and disrespect went uncorrected. The fights amongst my siblings, at times, felt life threatening to me since shedding blood was an acceptable way to “win”.

When I went to college I took a class on communication. It was like opening up a window of hope. There is another way! As a result, communication and conflict resolution became a 20+ year course in our home starting from when my kids were taking teddy bears away from each other, “just cause”. My rigorous 20 year communications course is the one thing my kids seem most grateful for.

So what did I teach? Well—respect—that it matters whether what you do is hurtful or kind especially towards your own family. Certain words got the same punishment as cuss words, words like stupid, hate, and can’t (saying, “I can’t” is disrespectful of yourself which counts!)

It is important to take the time to personally own everything you can first. Start by owning your part in the conflict or any fault that added to it…A true, well thought out, accurate, “I’m sorry” puts a pin in the heat of the moment (a true I’m sorry brings a change with it… words mean nothing!) But tell the truth. Sometimes there isn’t anything to own.

Conflict isn’t about winning but building relationship… learning about the other by listening to their pain and honoring it… even if you are not the source of that pain. Sometimes the only way to find the source is to hash through conflict with someone else who willing to hash. (I hate conflict…I often want it resolved before it is hashed… I stand corrected… my kids have become my teacher.)

There was no doggin’ allowed (put downs, mean jokes or name calling), even in “fun”. If disrespect and conflict was going on at home, no one was ready to go play with someone else.

Mostly, I taught how to use “I feel” statements instead of “you” statements and to eliminate always, never and the like. When someone said, “Your trying to make me blah, blah, blah…!” It needed to be transformed into, “When this happened, I felt this way.”

So what was the point of all that? It was to eliminate accusation in any form in my home. Satan is called the accuser of the brethren.We join with him in his work when we dog on each other or speak in statements starting with "you", like, "you always, you never, you need to, you’re a pig, you are making me angry" etc (check out thinkingoutwords.blogspot.com even statements like, “you’re beautiful are still shrouded accusations… different than, “I like the way you look”). When we speak in accusations we are eating again from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. We are once again beguiled by the serpent to seek God's place and stand as judges.

We are not appointed as judges. We were never intended to live by the knowledge of good and evil but by grace. We were intended to live by God's unmerited delight in us! We are all heirs of right...ness. The ability to have a place with God is a gift. It is an inheritance received because of the death of our benefactor. Grace says, we are all equally deserving of death and equally rescued from our death sentence. Outside of that, we have no ground whatsoever to stand on. But because of our benefactor... You and I are equally delighted in by God.

Believing the best instead of fearing the worst

Yesterday was another warm day it feels like spring around here and my crocus are blooming w00t! Three days ago there was still significant snow in my yard. Yesterday, I planted seeds in the garden. (happy dance!) I love getting my hands in the dirt. It is a celebration, a joining with all God’s little ones tending His garden.

I totally enjoy winter too, well until about February which is the peek of winter in the north. After February we still have 3 more months where it could snow. Easter is notorious for bringing on big snow storms. That’s when it gets old. It’s like the snow gets old too. After February it’s no longer a pure white, there are layers of sticks, leaves and grunge in it as it starts to recede. All along the roads there are piles of leaves and sand that block out the fledgling grasses and greenery. This place between winter and spring is just plain ugly, cold and sad. I’m sure we will get more snowy weather and it is set to turn cold again soon but I will enjoy knowing I have seeds tucked into the ground that are starting to think about popping out.

All that puts a picture in my head I wish I could explain. People have winters and springs in their lives. It’s not like one big season where your beginning is spring and your end is in winter. Sometimes lives start out in winter and end in spring. People can be very cruel to children and if a child finds no place of comfort it makes for an icy, cold beginning. But that beginning doesn’t have to define their end.

People can be very cruel in general. Too many are preoccupied in finding fault. In 1 Corinthians 13:7 there is a line translated in the Amplified version, “love is ever ready to believe the best of every person.” That speaks of trust, not just in the people being “loved” but also in God’s ability to redeem. It’s somewhat easy to believe the best in a person when they are looking their best, but that’s not the time when believing the best is most needed. In my experience I have found that the “ugliest” times are after the long winter snows have melted and spring has yet to show its effect. People look just as drab and full of debris after a long winter fight as my northern neighborhood looks right now. Pre-spring times are not the time to say, “You are not going to make it if you don’t clean yourself up!” That’s the time to plant seeds in the garden and do a happy dance. That’s the time to anticipate the spring that you believe is coming… that is if you believe the best instead of fear the worst in people.

New thoughts on White space

I got an email comment on the White space series on my blog. It was interesting as I continue to seek to understand God’s concept of rest. In it there was a book mentioned called “Margin”. I looked it up, I think this is the same book :) the subtitle says, “Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives” Wow, that’s a mouthful! Just by reading what I could get of the premise of the book tells me I have a LONG way to go but that is my deep desire. Here is a quote from the back of the book

RX: FROM THE DESK OF RICHARD A. SWENSON, M.D. Overload is not having time to finish the book you're reading on stress. Margin is having time to read it twice. Overload is fatigue. Margin is energy. Overload is red ink. Margin is black ink. Overload is hurry. Margin is calm. Overload is anxiety. Margin is security. Overload is the disease of this century. Margin is the cure.

I battled once with brain trauma. There was a lot about my experience that was a challenge but it profoundly changed my perspective on many things. Before I got sick, (my brain trauma was a reaction to a drug) I taught choir and swimming at our local homeschool coop. I was also a youth group leader, a homeschool mother of three, and well the list goes on and on. Margin? I had none! Then one day my whole world came to a stand still while I relearned how to go to the bathroom, walk and drive.

I had to pull back on everything and I never went back to the same pitch again. Not that I couldn’t it’s just that nothing I was doing seemed that important anymore. Much more important to me was the precious gift I had been given of time to watch my family grow and hear them laugh. Laughter is such a beautiful sound. You know, we need to laugh, it opens up airways to the brain (it’s true) and feeds our brain more oxygen. I love to just sit in the room while my kids are laughing. It nourishes my soul. But laughter by definition takes interaction time… Laughter isn’t often something done in huge groups. It takes time and connection to really have a big belly laugh. Oh sometimes they try to get you to laugh at a movie but somehow that doesn’t sound the same.

Our society shushes children when they are laughing and we limit times when children play. In our work-a-day world it is not looked on as “productive” to laugh and we are so stinkin’ isolated as people that after work connection for single, or divorced, or struggling folk.

Hmmm I think laughter might be a barometer for measuring inner rest. What do you think?

Speaking of margin, I have this really cool bicycle. I got it on ebay a while back. It looks like a Harley hog with a seat like the old stingray bikes it’s is the envy of all the 10 year old boys I ride past *smile* but it is electric which means I can pedal, I can push a button and zoom or I can have a little power assist on the hills (my favorite!). I love not using a car for running errands and I love being outside on a nice day. I don’t mind riding in the rain either. It’s just cool. I’ve got to say, (once I got over how ridiculous I look sitting on this goofy looking thing). I kind of like being the envy of the boys *smile*. They are still young enough to show obvious delight and it is just plain fun to be around kids. The thing is, I hardly had time to use it last year. There was always some reason why I didn’t have time to go 14 miles an hour when I could go 40… Sad. Yesterday was amazing. It was over 68 degrees! (that doesn’t happen this far north this time of year) I took the car when I should have biked. Grrr! I am going to work on the margin thing :)

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

A ministry of interuptions

It’s official, resting is impossible. I set my sights on resting yesterday but it was a flurry of very important events just the same. I am thinking of all the times Jesus was interrupted from what seemed like His plan. Even places like Matthew 14:13-14 “When Jesus heard what had happened, (that His cousin John the Baptist was beheaded) he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” (Italics mine) We humans can be so insensitive and yet Jesus’ response to being followed as He is trying to gain the space to grieve His loss, was compassion. Pretty cool! I did by the way get rest yesterday. It wasn’t in the form I had planned but I did have time…

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Rest, burden bearing and chickens :)

I have another question about rest this morning. Have you ever read Carol Brown’s book “Highly Sensitive” learning to live with the gift? In it and the first volume “The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity” she talks about being “Highly Sensitive”. That is a secular, psychological term for people who are more sensitive than 80 percent of the population. They are people who are highly sensitive across the board. They easily pick up on the internal vibes of others. The world is louder to the highly sensitive, bigger sound, brighter colors and tenser confrontations.

In our highly desensitized world I believe highly sensitive people struggle in a constant state of overwhelmedness (if that is a word) I think people who are highly sensitive are constantly bombarded with too much information. But the flip side is God created highly sensitive people for a purpose. Carol Brown speaks of the highly sensitive as God’s burden bearers. I agree. The question I have is, in a world where there is so much pain and struggle, how does a burden bearer truly rest?

I have been skeptical of my own burden bearing qualities because I have at times in my life somehow turned off the compassion switch and been able to run ice through my veins. I’m not proud of that, it is a product of wounding, but I know I am capable of massive “insensitivity”. Oh, I can tell you scary stories!

Years ago I hated my tears which throughout my childhood came at the most inopportune times. In my world tears were punished just for existing. With minimal success, I worked hard at stifling tears at home. I finally accomplished the task in my mid 20’s.

By then I had also begun to realize my heart had grown cold. I cared little for anyone or anything. I had no compassion to offer people in pain. Convicted of this I prayed to God for His compassion to fill my heart and He answered my prayers with tears… gallons of them. Ugh!

Now, passion, compassion and tears often intermix but the combination can be exhausting! I care, that is a miracle from God. I do not want that to change. I now can see the pain in people, it matters to me. It matters to me that there are people all around me in destructive relationships in their homes. It matters to me that people are afraid because their jobs are on the line. It matters to me! It matters to me that they have found over 4 thousand bodies in Japan… I grieve for the families that have lost loved ones. I grieve for the people who are picking through the ruble. It is a trauma to see the dead in such circumstance. Someone had to find, wrap, transport, tag and identify each one. Many hearts are grieving. That matters to me.

Please, don’t try to dull my passion. It isn’t bad to care. I’ve heard it many times “your too real, your too intense… eek tone it down a little!” I have come to terms with my tears and I like to care. I like that it matters and that I have some place in my heart that grieves for a torn, tattered, frightened humanity.

But today, I need to rest so God what about that? (listening) The picture I have comes from Psalms 91:4 “He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.”

I enjoy having a few chickens of my own. As I see my mama hens poking at chicks to tuck them under their wings I can see that there is no outside world for them. For a while there is nothing to “see” because they are tucked underneath thick pinions that are dark, safe and warm. Chickens are prey animals, which mean they are constantly on alert. The only place a chick can totally rest is under the wings of her mama where there is nothing to see that might startle or alarm her.

Speaking of faithfulness being a shield, I am reminded of another “chicken story”. For quite a while I had two mamas that were always brooding on the same nest. In many ways they were quite the funny pair. When their chicks hatched they would also work together to raise them and keep them safe. One day a hawk swooped in to take one of the mamas for his supper. The other mama hen would have none of it and viciously attacked the hawk in defense of her nesting mate. In the end neither mama was seriously hurt. Faithfulness in relationship is a shield in many ways.

1) (business meeting with God) I think the only big agenda I’m getting for my day is to rest.

2) (blog) blogging has been a struggle this week because I have been overwhelmed, exhausted. But it is day 37 with I think only 2 days that I didn’t blog. That is a miracle!

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

getting lost while attempting to refuel... grrr!

I’m pondering ‘resting’ again today. After a week of engagements on several different levels even my bones are weary. I find myself asking the LORD what resting looks like. How can resting be such a hard concept? I wonder what God did on the day that He “rested”. I’m sure He still kept the universe running. Does that take effort? Or once He set it in motion does it just run by itself? My next question is, there was man by then, did He listen to prayers on that day? Did Adam pray? Or did he just save his questions for when God came down for His evening walk. Did God walk on the day He rested? Sometimes my mind is full of 5 year old questions. But it seems import if we are to imitate God in His resting to know what His resting was like.

So God what is resting? (listening) It feels like His answer to me today is about today only. Resting today, I’m not sure how to do that.

_______________________________

\Well, it’s already evening and resting didn’t happen today. Even my business meeting was cut short. The attack on my attempt to take time to rest feels intentional on the side of the evil one. One crisis turned into another… and then there were the things I actually did plan for the day, all of which seemed important to follow through on. Hmmm I was interrupted even in the pondering or rest. I wonder if satan works so hard to destroy our rest if it has way more power than we give credit for. I will have to ponder that tomorrow.

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Learning to rest... well maybe???

I think after more than a month it is time to change the theme of my blogs… but not really. Though I really do want my eyes opened to the opportunity responding in kindness, it happens not as I try but as I hone my ears to listen.

Today I don’t have the energy to do much of anything. I drug myself through getting all the dishes done. God I don’t have any motivation this morning what about that? (listening) The sense I have is that I am tired. (duh!) Hmmm, you know, I’m not sure I “get” that God calls us to rest sometimes. I’m thinking of that story about Elijah in Kings 19 where Elijah falls asleep under a bush and an angel wakes him up to eat and drink and then he lies down to rest again. I understand that God rested on the 7^th day but I am not sure I have room in my world for rest. I read a book once called “When I relax I feel guilty” hmmm.

So God, what does rest look like? (listening) I have a clear picture that computers do are not restful. Well, that makes sense. I don’t like being sucked into the computer craze but it is harder when I am tired. I don’t know how to explain but I am seeing a cycle. I’m tired so I “veg” which often includes checking out the news or whatever on the computer. Which makes me tired…. On and on it goes. I think it’s time for an internet fast. I don’t believe I am to quite blogging or writing in general. I am suppose to write but that only requires a short connection to the internet.

Even so God that doesn’t help me know what rest would look like for me right now. (listening) Hmmm, that feels like all I am to do right now, rest from the flurry of input which adds chaos to my brain. Ok. I’ll report tomorrow what kind of an effect that has on my energy level.

There are other things on my list from God today but they are mostly send off a bill, package up some boxes for shipment, things like that.

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 34 Receiving Life in Order

My heart is still saddened as I think of the losses in Japan. I get frustrated with the sensational reporting of such a catastrophic event. Pictures of people, you know, someone’s someone, who was overcome by the mountainous waves. Many news sites adding up the numbers… like the bigger the death toll the bigger the story…. Sad.

It’s a little scary too. It’s just that there has been so many such catastrophes in the last few years. Each one has taken its toll and each one brings a measure of instability. It lets me know that we really aren’t as powerful as we think we are, And, it lets me know how desperately dependant I am on a power greater than me.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to have left my town in the morning for parts further south only to find out that there is no place to go home to that afternoon. No town, no neighbors, no home. Oh, Father, touch us all with the reality of the loss. Move us with Your compassion and bring hope and peace to the people of Japan tonight.

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 31 Receiving Life in Order

I have no real excuse for not blogging yesterday unless having a lot of confusion, horrific world events and lots of busy people in my life or… just not wanting to counts. I am physically exhausted today and maybe in shock with the rest of the world about what has happened to the people in Japan. It amazes me how something that happened way on the other side of the world can impact boats and people on our own shoreline. Perhaps it’s good sometimes to be reminded of how much we can not control. Sometimes that knowledge frightens me. Sometimes it lets me know how much I need God.

Today I am sitting in my warm house with the fire crackling while the wind blowing outside is more than chilly. I am blessed. My heart is full of prayer for those who can not say the same tonight especially those in Japan. There are certain things that we take for granted. We fully expect the sun to come up every morning and for the earth under our feet to remain so. But there is only one constant.

According to the USGS the main island of Japan moved 8 feet to the east during the March 11 earthquake. It is hard to imagine that a whole island can simply move. But it makes Revelations 6:14 seem possible “The heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.”

Day 32 Receiving Life in Order

This thread begins on February 7th

I am taking the time today to ponder and listen to God specifically about these 10 things. I have learned in the last 30 days how much I still look to my own actions for a way to find God’s acceptance. It’s not exactly that. (listening) It boils down to wanting to know what the rules are. I’m thinking of that passage in Exodus where the people say to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.” (Exodus 20:19) what a sad thought that the people were too afraid to allow God to approach them… They were willing to do what God said (at least to a point) but not to be impacted by His presence and holiness. I think of my seeking rules and I find it similar to the law. The law is a list of rules that no one is capable of fulfilling. Hmmm doesn’t that sound familiar.

(listening) Galatians 3:5 comes to mind, “So again I ask, does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard?” Wow, that smacks! It also fits what I have been thinking and learning about this list of 10 things. I have figured out that it would take a miracle to accomplish these things in a day much less every day. What that means to me is that it would take a miracle for me to be ordered in my life. That by itself saddens me. I feel shame as I recognize how scattered and out of order my life, my brain, my “stuff” are. But then it gives me hope too because the pathway to order isn’t in the doing but in the listening. That leaves the impossible to God to accomplish instead of me :).

As I look at that I am also seeing a growing opportunity for ministry and kindness and left over energy for cleaning and ordering. It is amazing that the path for miracles in my life is to “be still” That’s all these business meetings are… taking the time to be still, shut up and listen…

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)

Day 31 Receiving Life in Order

I have been thinking about a story in John. It starts in John chapter 9 and runs through chapter 10. It is about a man who was born blind whom Jesus heals and the Pharisees kick out of the synagogue in reaction. This story says so many things to me but today I was thinking especially about verse 35. If you are interested in reading the whole story, check out this link: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%209&version=NIV

This blind man was the “marginalized” of his day. He was a man who was “outside the gate” partly because he was blind and unable to work but also because people then believed the cause of his blindness was sin, either his sin or his parent’s. Until he met Jesus there was no one in his corner. I am amazed, first at the cruelty of Jesus’ disciples (talking to Jesus about this blind man right in front of him as if he didn’t even exist!) Then I’m amazed at Jesus’ defense of him and at how that defense gave this blind man the boldness to stand up to the Pharisees even to the point of being thrown out of the synagogue. (which was much worse than being asked to leave a church… but on a similar vein).

The thing that amazes me is that after this man is thrown out, Jesus seeks him out. I get the impression He deliberately goes to find him. At the same time Jesus is saying that He is the gate… that He is the one who says you are “in” or you are “out”. The blind man, though he was humiliated and ostracized by the religious leaders, was one of Jesus’ “in”.

I have always found it intriguing that Jesus didn’t often hunt people down. He never put much effort into convincing people. He just said, “follow me” and kept on walking. Those that were ready, followed Him, and those that weren’t were left to their decision. This is one of few(actually I can think of another time!) times when he turned around and went back for someone. Since I count myself among the “marginalized” that thought and this passage blesses me :)

Day 30 Receiving Life in Order

This thread begins on February 7th

Day 30 w00t! It may not seem like much to you but just to be able to do this blog for 30 days (with what, 3 days exception 10 percent error margin isn’t too shabby :) is a huge success for me. Consistency is not my forte.

So God after 30 days what’s next? Do I move on from this subject? (The sense I have is yes and no., that I have yet to understand the list of 10 things.) So God what do I do with that? Well the first two are making sense to me. Listen for direction in your day (Business meetings with God) and then blog (publish the minutes.)

Ok, but what about the others God? (listening) I get the impression from 1 John 4:7 that It is a law of physics, If you love God you will love your brother also. You can see the condition of your relationship with God by how you respond to others. It doesn’t say, “Go out there and make yourself love your brother.” It says to me, “If I apply my passions relationally towards God, an outcome of my sweet connection with God is my passion and compassion for people.”

One heart breaking consistency I hear when working with women who hurt is, their men do not love the people they love. I believe that to be a brutal expression of contempt. If I delight in you, I will delight in those that bring you delight. (the same law of physics)

Attachment is a very important part of being a human being. If I have bonded well as a child, I have rooted within me compassion, empathy, and a sense of connection to the human race. Attachment assures me that I am human, and assures me I am meant to exist. My attachments, that is the people that I deeply trust and care for, are part of what makes me human. Take those attachments away from me (or never offer me secure, trustworthy attachments in the first place) and I start to lose my sense of “being.” Have contempt for my attachments and you chip away at something foundational that God built into me as a human being. We are intended to be relational. Attachment is what draws us into community.

I’m not describing codependency here. Codependency is actually driven by insecure attachment, not by secure ones. For instance, if a child has a secure attachment to his mother, he is more likely to leave his mama’s side and explore his surroundings, but if a child is insecurely attached to his mother, he will cling feverishly to her and not letting her out of his sight.

Going back to the passage in 1 John, I believe for all of us who were insecurely attached or not attached at all, this promise is our salvation, our way back to our humanness and God’s original intent. When God builds into us a trust and delight in Him, it will build into us an attachment to the human race. It’s a law of physics. If we delight in Him we will delight in who He delights in.

Wow, talk about a rabbit trail! Anyway, my picture is, the ten things are a law of physics as well. If I start my day getting my instructions from Jesus, The rest of my day will be filled with acts of kindness, motivation to clean and order and even the desire to bring order, I will see the importance of getting the message of my book to the people who need to read it. Meaning I will see value in what God gave me to write and it’s purpose. And, I will take opportunity to rest and restore.

Wait! I think I get it! It is really not a list of things to accomplish it’s a list of things that WILL be accomplished if I am living out of a place of connection with, and attachment to Him. Wow, that finally makes sense! It’s not looking at what I have done like “why didn’t you get that whole list done?” It’s looking at symptoms to help reveal what is brewing underneath. Not for shame but for guidance… If I do not love my brother… not an act that you can manufacture but a fondness that comes from really experiencing and knowing God’s fondness for him, I am not enjoying God’s company and fellowship. It’s a law of physics. You can’t fix it by trying to love your brother. I can’t fix what’s broke in me by doing this list either, I can only fix it by spending time with the one who can.

pondering these with new eyes :)

1) (business meeting with God)

2) (blog)

3) (Act of Random Kindness)

4) (Clean something)

5) (Order something)

6) (Book)

7) (Family)

8) (Me)

9) (Ministry)

10) (rest)