I’m still thinking about shame, contempt and fear. These are the things that paralyze. Then I was thinking about desire and God’s gift of desire. I was thinking about a scene in the book “Hinds Feet on High Places” where Much-Afraid has agreed to go with the Chief Shepherd and He has planted the seed of love in her heart but she has to wait until He calls her. She waits and waits, with her bags all packed and ready, but time just creeps on… no call.
Then, just as she is surrounded and totally overwhelmed by her whole “Fearing Family”, right at the point where she is cowing in the corner unable to move much less answer, the Chief Shepherd calls. She is frozen. She is unable to answer. It’s a sad scene but common in my opinion.
I don’t want to be so overcome by fear that I do not listen to the call raging in my heart. Sometimes I fell trapped in my thinking. There must be a way to move forward. There must be a way to do what is screaming in my heart to do. It is not about me. It is about Him. I want to move forward but the molasses I am moving in is frustrating!
We are getting to an age where we are talking of retirement… at least we are listening to others who are thinking of retiring. I’m not sure what the point is. I can totally get retiring but there would have to be a purpose. It would be way cool to have enough money to not have to work to make it anymore but, that to me wouldn’t be retiring it would be support for missions…our mission :)
Hmmm I’m rambling. God why do I feel so trapped in molasses? (listening) Wow, there is a pretty huge sense inside of me that money is powerful. Money is oppressive to me… how can you seek God and not be constantly looking for money at the same time? There is something wrong with that! (listening) Hmmm, I’m thinking of a song I wrote for a couple who wanted to be in missions but felt trapped in their circumstance. One line says, “It feels like money has a hold but even this will turn” Oh God, make it so!